take me to the nunnery

[Ella Creevey]

dear diary,

thursday, sometime in october

It's a new school year, and already I wish I was a nun. Really, what's not to like about being a nun? You live in a convent with lots of people who have to at least pretend to like you, and you have a place to live, and no one can ever be mean because God apparently doesn't like mean people. You always know that someone loves you, because apparently God loves everyone in spite of their flaws, which can only be a good thing. And then I'll never have to see another boy for as long as I live. Except for the priest, but he doesn't count.

I should definitely ask Mum to give me to a convent.

School has been pretty... I don't think there's a word for what I'm feeling about school right now, besides majorly confused. It's kind of nice being able to see Danni without having to track her down all over the place; she hasn't gotten another boyfriend since her breakup with Thomas (at least as far as I know) - I still don't see her as often as I should, though. And that's my fault, really.

But there's so much work that has to be done this year, and it's so hard to get through it all without wanting to chuck everything out of the closest window, down to the very last spot of ink and broken quill. At least I've got Astronomy and Divination; they're basically my happy place right now (I can just hear the imaginary Lachlan in my head scoffing at this.)

Talking to Lachlan again is definitely a good thing, even if we're just owling each other, and he's being nosy. To be fair, I'm winding him up a bit, like I used to when we were little and Mum asked who wanted to clean their side of the living room first, and I would always volunteer him. He seems kind of... off, though, I suppose. I hope he's okay. ♥

Dante's avoiding me again - or at least, I think he is. I hope not. It's just - we've been friends for a long time, right? For more than three years, and suddenly he seems kind of different and I seem kind of different, or I feel kind of different, and when did he get cute? But he talks to me still, and leaves me alone (for the most part) when I say I don't want to go down to dinner. We still haven't really sorted out what we're (I'm) going to do if (when) Maria starts yelling at me again. Hopefully, I won't need to do anything, since I've been avoiding her since school opened up again and I haven't seen talked spoken to her since.

Hayden's dyed his hair an odd colour - by accident. Apparently he messed up a potion, and it makes him dance at random moments, and changed his hair colour. I hope it gets fixed soon, because it's a strange feeling, looking at him. With his hair like that.

And I'm supposed to have another sibling soon, and we're so far away from Mum and Dad, and I really really really hope that Dad still writes to me once the baby is born. It's not fair - why should we have to have another family member when our current family is just started to get less messed up? But it makes Mum and Dad get along better, and Lachlan seems happy (Mufasa, really?) - so maybe it might not be so bad. Maybe.

I don't know, diary. I'm kind of confused; about school, about my friends, about how I'm supposed to be feeling right now. Dad gave me a book of hymns, though, that Grandma used to sing to him when he was younger and she was alive, and singing them makes me feel a bit calmer.

One thing's for sure - fifth year certainly isn't as glamorous as I hoped it would be.

--ella

p.s. I made prefect! I have to be doing something right, right?

[Ella Creevey]

dear diary,

monday, late january

I miss Danni. I really, really miss having her around, even if we didn't end up talking about any of the things that were bothering us. It feels like I only ever see her in class and in brief windows of time before we're supposed to turn in for the night. Still, she seems okay, which is good; a repeat of last year is the last thing she needs right now.

I've decided not to go with the convent thing, after all; I'd probably miss everyone too much, even if Lachlan isn't talking to me again and and Danni told me once that black isn't my colour, which is true.

Hogwarts is the same as ever: classes, endless streams of students talking all the time - which is really irritating when I'm trying to study - but I've been going to meals more and more. I want to see my friends, and the school has better things to gossip about than me. I should know.

We did have the Yule ball in December, though, right before we went home for the holidays. Nothing much happened, really. I left halfway, but apparently Hayden and Danni danced together, which is really sweet. After I left, Dante caught up with me and I tried not to think about how nice he is. I didn't think it was possible for one person to be that nice, but he is, and it's freaking me out. Both that I didn't notice before - to this extent - and because I'm one of his closest friends (I think; I hope so, because he's mine) and I'm nowhere as nice as he is. I'm kind of the opposite. So yeah, nothing came of the ball except the whole exceeding nice-ness and honesty thing, and I hurt my ankle again and got blisters from my shoes. Great.

but I did get to see him in an outfit resembling formal wear, and he looked so cute, and - I need to snap out of this. It isn't healthy, and it's unfair to both of us, especially Dante. I will now start getting over this ridiculous... crush. Hopefully.

Christmas was pretty quiet, but getting back a day earlier than some of the others meant I could re-claim my favourite table in the library. Some Ravenclaws were there already, but they seemed okay with me being there too.

There's nothing else to say, really; patrols have been awkward, I'm still convinced Devyn and/or Louis wants to kill me, but Damien has been slightly less antagonistic (note: slightly) towards me, so those patrols have been pretty quiet. Except for when he decides to make smart remarks - and I really can't help my temper sometimes. But I've tried to just get on with it so I can go back to the common room. Dante's usually still up when I get back, so that helps with the temper thing, since he's so calm.

I'm supposed to be meeting Dante and Maria in a few minutes, and I'm really nervous. Does she still hate me? Our last meeting didn't exactly go well. I don't really know what I'm supposed to say, or how I'm supposed to be acting, but it's important to Dante, so I'll go. I just wish I knew how this was going to turn out.

--ella

[Ella Creevey]

dear diary,

wednesday, sometime in february

Is it a bad thing to wish for something to happen?

--ella