Bow,

[Alexandria Wood]

Dude, when the hell were you going to tell me you were back in town? I had to find this out from Mum. You're such a douchenozzle.

Love,
Alex

P.S. I missed you.

[Bow Wood]

Maybe when I actually managed to take a deep breath from settling back? Was our house always this closed or have I lived in the jungle for way too long? You're a douchenozzle. What's up? How's school and all that other bullshit which I don't really care about but I'm asking because it's the right thing to do?

Love you more,
Bow

P.S: I know.

[Alexandria Wood]

Yeah, because holidaying in Kenya can be so exhausting and everything. You're such a pussy. Man up already. Find another insult instead of just recycling, moron. School and all that other bullshit is average. How was Kenya? I'd know already but you seeing as how you didn't even bother to owl...

Sure you do,
Alex

P.S. This is why you're a douchenozzle.

[Bow Wood]

Alex,

I was not holidaying!

Okay, maybe a little, but I worked like crazy too, you know. I'm recycling insults because all the female oriented insults I can come up with are not something I'd say to my sister. So, how about something like...asshat? That's right, you're an asshat. I forgot why but I'm sure you'll do something to prove me right.

Well, I was very tempted to send this super exotic bird I saw - I'd tell you the name but it would fly over your head, no pun intended - but it wasn't going to be tamed and then I got distracted. But you knew I was alive and chill, and I knew you were alive and chill, so no harm done.

You were alive and chill, right?

Love,
Bow

PS: Yet you keep me around.

[Alexandria Wood]

Bow,

You were too. It's considered a holiday if you enjoyed what you were doing and I'm assuming you did.

What about twat? Vaginaface? There's a million and one. Your mind is just so polluted you automatically jump to the c-word. Asshat? That's pathetic, you douchewaffle.

Naturally, you got distracted. No surprise there. Actually, I didn't know you were alive and chill. I couldn't even send you a letter because you hadn't bothered to leave an address before you flew off to Kenya.

Not really I kissed Lysander Scamander I'm freaking out about OWL's Yeah, I was good. Wouldn't have hurt to check though.

Love,
Alex

P.S. Because I have to and if I didn't, Mum would give me her Patented Reproachful Glare.

[Bow Wood]

Alex,

Well yeah, I enjoyed it tons, but I got paid too, didn't I? Who gets paid for going on holiday? Plus, I got assignments and shit so technically I did homework, even if it was my favorite subject.

Ew, vaginaface is just wrong. Because douchewaffle isn't pathetic it all. You're just taking random nouns and putting 'douche' in front of them. Douchenozzle, douchewaffle, douchepillow, douchwallet, I don't know what to expect next.

I was moving all over Kenya, what address was I supposed to leave you? Besides, I'm back, right? Maybe I'll give you a Knut for Christmas and you'll know that I'm okay. Don't expect anything more, basketcase.

I don't know what you scratched out and I don't know if I want to know. If you're expecting an apology, go to hell.

Love,
Bow

PS: Aw sucks for you.

[Alexandria Wood]

Bow,

Douchenozzles. Douchenozzles get paid for going on holidays... it's considered a holiday if you had fun. Which you obviously did. Ergo, it's a holiday.

And yet, since it grosses you out, it's an insult. New favourite word to call you. Nope, douchewaffle is fun a word to say and it annoys you and I don't really care about the effectiveness of my insults. So... you're a douchewaffle - wait, sorry, no. You're a vaginaface. Is that better?

Um, fine. You didn't have to leave an address then. That's just another reason why you should have written first. Yeah, you're back... unfortunately. A knut? Oh, goody. Just what I've always wanted. Don't worry, my expectations are instantaneously lowered whenever I even think of you.

You're not knowing so don't worry about it. I'm not stupid enough to expect an apology from you, dickhead.

Love,
Alex

[Bow Wood]

Alex,

No, not really, I always have fun. I am the fun part of everything, so obviously I always have fun. Doesn't mean I'm always on holiday.

Douchewaffle doesn't annoy me, it's just funny to read. Yeah ok, I'm a vaginaface and you can be a dickhead, yeah? And we'll just not name Angus because I can't think of any other privates to assign to him...hmm. I'd say asshole, but that's too regular an insult.

That's nice, I'll just go back then and won't return until you're old and wrinkly and falling of your broom.

If you're not expecting an apology then why did you touch the topic? Either you miraculously expected one, or you were patronizing me, neither of which work on me, as you know.

LOVE,
Bow

[Alexandria Wood]

Bow,

This argument is pointless because I'm right. Stop being so stubborn, douchenozzle.

Really? Huh. I'll just have to find something that does annoy you. Those sound like some fun nicknames right there. Angus can be assface? Or maybe not. He's the nice one out of us lot. Maybe he shouldn't have a genitalia-related nickname.

I'm not going to get so old and wrinkly I'll fall of your broom.

Whatever, Trevor.

Love (what's with your random capitalization of those letters? Weirdo),
Alex