Lila Siyavash

[Lila Siyavash]

lila p. siyavash
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and i'm not sleeping now
----------------the dark is too hard to beat

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[/i] five times fast.[/ul]
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[/i] i look feminine. maybe i was wrong.[/ul]
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and i'm not keeping now
-----------the strength i need to push me

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you show the lights that stop me
-------turn to stone, you shine it when i'm alone

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[/i] do things like that. so this was probably the best day of my life so far.[/ul]
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[/i] - is enough to make me certain that this is what i want to do.

fact of the matter is, i'm a social butterfly. i love people - i love being around them, interacting with them, seeing how they work with each other - but i'm also the kind of person who doesn't like to work in a large group. i'm a firm believer in the whole 'if you want it done right, do it yourself' philosophy, and truthfully, that's how it's always been for me. to be honest, i don't think i'd function any other way. don't get me wrong; i am a loving person, in the sense that i love with my entire and whole heart, but you can't trust people to do anything for you.[/ul]
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and so i tell myself that i'll be strong
------------------------dreaming when they're gone

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[/i] - we eat persian cuisine and we speak in farsi to each other and we have persian names. despite our family heritage, however, my family has lived in baku, azerbaijan, since i was a young girl.

well, as you know, it all starts off with a mom and a dad. no, but seriously - i don't know anything about my grandparents, or who they are. as soon as my mother married my father, they disowned her and never attempted to reestablish contact again. at least, that's what my mother tells me, and i don't question it. my father has been a government worker for as long as i can remember, and he's one of those traditional sort of men - the man is the breadwinner, women don't need to work, and so on and so forth. so i suppose that's why it killed him that my brother, his only son, was the child he ended up having to lose. later for that, too.

despite how traditional my father was, as children, we all got very good educations (even us girls). out education, for the earlier years, was monitored by private tutors. my father was very adamant about this, and it wasn't until my teens that he allowed me to attend a smaller wizarding academy right in azerbaijan.

my two younger sisters were as close as could be, while sraosha and i were the closest. that's not to say i don't love my sisters; i do, and dearly so, but sraosha was always my favorite out of all of my siblings. there wasn't a day that he couldn't make me laugh, couldn't brighten a darkening afternoon - and, i hope, i was the same person for him, too. we were both certainly the children that vied most for our father's attention. between the four of us, esther and yasamin were most pleased with mother's attentions than sraosha and i were.

the problem was that our father was a hard man to please. he was eternally striving for a greater something, as if he were certain he was going to reach the next level. i am very certain that even if he reaches the top, he will try and build himself another level to aim for. my mother said this was simply his ambition, that he had high expectations set for us, his children, only because he had such high expectations for himself. i don't think it was ambition. i think he was unable to see that his expectations of himself and of us were entirely unrealistic.

at any rate, there was nothing that i could do to garner my father's attention. sraosha, on the other hand, was my father's one and only son; a gem, then, in the eyes of a parent who wanted a son to follow in his diamond-studded footprints, so to speak. sroasha would've pushed himself to death if he thought it would have made my father happy - and in the end, he did, sort of. he didn't have to enlist in the army. there wasn't anything dictating that he absolutely had to. well, alright, that's wrong; my father's gaze that evening that sroasha decided to enlist was enough to convince him that he was required to do it - for our family's dignity, of course.

when my mother got the letter of sroasha's death, she lost every ounce of color in her face. i suppose this time was when she began turning to alexander, one of her musician friends, for comfort. my father certainly was not going to be a source of solace for a grieving mother, who needed to sob and scream and throw things at the loss of her only son. no, that would not have been acceptable to do around my father; my father, who looked stonily at the letter and then tossed it carelessly on the table, preferred to suffer in silence. if he suffered at all. sometimes i question that.

sroasha's death hit me hard. he was, after all, the sibling that i bonded best with; he was the one who patted my shoulder or gave me soft looks when father passed by me; he was the brother that snuck me secret portions of tah-chin when the cooks weren't looking. a piece of me was missing for a long time, and maybe it still is.

mother conducted her affair secretly enough, though not so inconspicuous that i didn't notice. when she discovered that i could see her departing and meeting alexander a few blocks from our house, she begged me not to tell my father and claimed that she would tell him, eventually. after she filed for divorce. i knew father ought to have known, but a part of me wanted him to feel that sort of desertion, even a little bit, if it made him understand what he was doing to our family.

at any rate, i'm not sure if they've divorced yet or not. i haven't spoken to them since i left to become a student-teacher here at hogwarts.[/ul]
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'cause they're calling, calling, calling
------------------------me home. calling, calling, calling home

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[/quote][/ul]
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lights, lights, lights, lights
------------------------lights, lights, lights, light

[/url] at caution 2.0. it's specifically made for harry potter roleplays. lyrics are by ellie goulding and her song entitled 'lights'. you may change the colors or anything you want, but please leave on the credits! thank you very, very, very much. peace![/size][/ul]

[Lila Siyavash]

all finished. c:

[Isabella O'Malley]

admin comments: welcome to the site! just a little info: i'm not sure she would have needed to go to university. i think hogwarts professors just get very specialized training. but it's not a big deal! =] looking forward to threading with you!