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Post by Suzanne Stanley on Nov 11, 2012 14:08:55 GMT -5
Tell your flatmate to reply to my fucking letter or breakfast rights are revoked. He can also return my lighter if he has it.
Z
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Post by Cole Harington on Nov 11, 2012 14:20:37 GMT -5
Zanna,
Ohoho, need I remind you of the fact that Samuel is a being independent of my control and functions as he likes? Thanks, just wanted to make that completely clear. I saw your lighter lying around here the other day. Can’t make any promises I’ll find it right now though.
––Cole
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Post by Suzanne Stanley on Nov 11, 2012 14:38:17 GMT -5
Puppy-boy,
Who the fuck starts a letter with 'Ohoho'? And don't be ridiculous, everyone knows you two are like Tweedledum and Tweedledee. Anyway, you reply to letters and he doesn't, so just pass the message on, will you? And send my lighter back. Either that or get some free quills from work for me. The ones from Scribbulus are shit.
Z
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Post by Cole Harington on Nov 11, 2012 17:58:42 GMT -5
Zanna,
Well, I just did, so there’s your answer - I do. Sure thing, I’ll fill him in on your demands when he finally wakes up from his afternoon nap. I feel obligated to tell you in advance, however, that this is a one time only offer. I can’t play messenger for you Stanleys all the time. I’ve got better things to do. I'm not going to give you free quills, and the lighter isn’t my fault. Dilemma dilemma.
––Cole
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Post by Suzanne Stanley on Nov 11, 2012 18:05:08 GMT -5
Puppy-boy,
Well it makes you sound like an idiot; just giving you that information so that you can make a fully informed choice next time you consider it. Good. Don't forget the bit about the breakfast rights. Look Cole, you're at the age now where I can speak to you as if you were an adult, so I'm going to tell you: The way things are at the moment, I quite like you. It's probably in your better interests if it stays that way. Just a tip.
Z
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Post by Cole Harington on Nov 11, 2012 18:11:41 GMT -5
Zanna,
Sounds good, thanks tips. Evidently I need to come to you for advice more often. Breakfast rights, okay. Is that a threat? Jesus you and Faye need to chill out Whatever you say, although I’m going to plead that I haven’t done anything to particularly get on your nerves. I’ll tell Sam about the lighter when he wakes up, that’s all I can do for you.
––Cole
P.S. Stop calling me Puppy-Boy.
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Post by Suzanne Stanley on Nov 11, 2012 18:19:43 GMT -5
Puppy-boy,
That sentence made no sense whatsoever, but I think you were thanking me, so you're welcome. Don't be silly, I don't make threats. And I know you haven't done anything yet, you're being very good. I'm being nice to you here - there's no need to get so jumpy. I'd still like the quills though.
Z
PS - Oh sorry, I read your PS and then by the time I came to start my reply, I'd forgotten again. My bad.
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Post by Cole Harington on Nov 11, 2012 18:31:08 GMT -5
Don’t call me Puppy-Boy.
Zanna,
I wasn’t thanking you, but fine, whatever makes your day brighter. You’re calling me an adult but treating me like a child, Jesus. I’m not being jumpy. You’re still not getting the quills.
Sam just woke up, but I think he’s forgotten how to speak English. Thought you’d like to know.
––Cole
P.S. How convenient.
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Post by Suzanne Stanley on Nov 11, 2012 18:57:32 GMT -5
Sweetie,
It does make my day so much brighter to think I was able to help you. If you read more carefully, you'll see that I never called you an adult. Oh, and my name isn't Jesus, although I can see the similarity. Why am I not getting the quills, Cole?
Bless him. He's exactly the same as he was when he was two. Make sure he understands my message though.
Z
PS - Why don't you like me calling you that? It's a lot better than some of the things I could call you.
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Post by Cole Harington on Nov 11, 2012 19:07:36 GMT -5
Love,
Good to hear. That’s what I’m here for, to let you help me and consequently make your day brighter. Sorry, I already threw out the letter in which you used the term ‘adult,’ so I can’t double check in which context it was used. Well, ‘threw out’ is a loose term. I just set it down somewhere and now it’s nowhere to be found. You’re not getting the quills because I said so. It’s that simple.
Things never change. I told him that you’re going to revoke his breakfast rights if you don’t get your lighter back and he just shrugged. Seems like you’ve used too many loss of food threats on him in the past couple of years for him to care.
––Cole
P.S. Like sweetie? I’m actually interested now. Try me. Popular opinion says that Harvey is another name that suits me. Someone should’ve told my mother.
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Post by Suzanne Stanley on Nov 11, 2012 19:33:18 GMT -5
Bambi,
Yes, because I'm the sort of kind, caring person who just lives for helping others. I believe the exact phrase I used was 'as if you were an adult'. Work hard and I might promote you to one though. You're losing points over the whole quill thing though. But have it your way. I'll get them from Scribbulus, and I'll consider writing to your boss explaining that I would have purchased from them if it weren't from the unhelpful and uncooperative attitude of their employee. Only if you annoy me though.
He thinks I don't mean it? That's funny. I don't think I've ever made a threat I wasn't fully prepared to follow through. Consider breakfast rights hereby revoked until such time as my lighter is returned in the same condition as I last saw it in.
Z
PS - You'll find out as and when I decide to use them. Harvey? Not what I'd have gone for, but there we go. I can always write to your mother if you'd like me to though?
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Post by Cole Harington on Nov 11, 2012 19:44:47 GMT -5
Cruella de Vil,
Called it! I always labeled you as the selfless type. We’re so alike when it comes to that, Zanna, it’s quite perplexing. I’d throw myself in front of a train for you. Except not really, but you get the idea. How do you expect me to work hard? That’s such a vague statement. My boss won’t believe you. He has faith in my business skills.
Something along those lines. Does that mean breakfast rights are revoked for me, too? Don’t punish me for your brother’s mistakes. Sometimes a guy just has to go to his mate’s sister’s house to raid her fridge because he doesn’t feel like taking the responsibility of going grocery shopping. Understand my daily troubles, I beg of you.
––Cole
P.S. Please do. If you mention me at all she’ll assume we’re having sex because she always thinks the worst of me. Lovely lady, really.
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Post by Suzanne Stanley on Nov 11, 2012 19:59:11 GMT -5
Bambi,
Oh, I quite like Cruella, we'll go for that. Except I'm not sure how being vegetarian fits in with that. I'd rather you didn't actually. That would be a ridiculously overdramatic expression of your love. I expect you to work it out. That's part of the challenge. I'm into challenges - you should ask my employees. Of course your boss'll believe me. I'm a potential customer, and I also publish damaging articles about anyone who pisses me off.
Sorry, you have to take responsibility for your friend's crimes. It's tough justice. Though the only thing in my fridge at the moment is a piece of cheese, and it's growing fur. I had three cigarettes and some Jack Daniels for breakfast, but then it wasn't really breakfast, because I hadn't been to bed.
Z
PS - Your mother would think you're having sex? Has she met you?
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Post by Cole Harington on Nov 11, 2012 20:12:44 GMT -5
Cruella de Vil,
But I love you so much that it hurts my soul. I need to do something to demonstrate to you how much I’m not even joking. I never agreed to challenges. This is a mistake. Who have you tricked into working for you, anyway? Poor kids. Alright, alright, get a grip. Don’t tell my boss. Let’s negotiate.
Tough justice is the worst. It’s not a good look on you, truly. You’re so naughty, it wounds me. Friendly suggestion, though: spice up the food selection, I bet it’ll give you some variety in moods other than ‘Fuck off’ and ‘I don’t give a fuck’. All we have in our fridge at the moment is assorted tubs of Ben and Jerry’s and everything’s going great for me as a result, although I will trade you for the Jack Daniels without a doubt.
––Cole
P.S. Nah, haven’t seen her since she gave birth to me. Yes, she’s met me. Why is it such a shocker to you that I have sex?
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Post by Suzanne Stanley on Nov 11, 2012 20:41:19 GMT -5
Bambi,
I have some ideas for things you could do. First on the list is get me free quills. I never said you had to agree to the challenges. You don't take them, you stay a little boy. Simple. And my employees are a bunch of kids from your year. They love me too. You're getting the idea now, good boy.
I think it's a fucking great look actually. Naughty? Really, Bambi? Actually, it's generally other people or lack of cigarettes that puts me in a 'fuck off' mood, and 'I don't give a fuck' is actually my personality, not my mood. But suggestion noted and duly ignored. You keep ice cream in the fridge? You do realise that it's meant to be in the freezer, or it'll melt, right? I'll keep the JD, thanks. Little boys shouldn't drink.
Z
PS - Do you really want me to answer that question?
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