maybe we need this, maybe we don't /VICTOIRE

[Teddy Lupin]

Teddy sat at an empty booth in the Leaky, towards the back, his leg tapping incessantly out of impatience. He twirled around the bottle of butterbeer again and again as he waited for Victoire to show up. He'd sent a hastily scrawled owl to her a day back, along the lines of 'we need to talk and get our shit together', not bothering to censor his words because, really, this was Vic who'm he'd known since the metaphorical sand box.

It wasn't that he harbored ill will towards her, because he didn't and really, it was all his own fault. But with him returning with a botched up story, and her going to France and his short relationship with her friend Jade and his newfound (or newly realized at least) attraction to Molly, he felt like they really couldn't put off this talk for much longer.

So, he waited impatiently as he crossed his fingers and hoped she'd gotten the message, and decided to show up.

[Victoire Weasley]

She stared down at the quick letter for probably the twentieth time that day alone. She had gotten it last night and could have sworn she stared at it for a good hour, though it really didn't say much. Teddy kept it straight to the point, stating it was time for them to get their shit together. Honestly, she was half tempted not to show up to the meeting place he suggested just out of spite. But honestly...What good would that have done? None and she knew it. Victoire had questions and Teddy had the answers. And really, no matter how much she resented him, she could not refuse him. He'd been in her life for far too long for her to just shut him out, or at least attempt to.

She didn't send a response, she would keep him waiting. She took her time with the getting ready process, personally in no hurry to get this over with. He slept with her cousin. Her cousin. When Dom had told her that...She honestly didn't believe her at first. But again, this was Dom and slowly the rage and pain filled her. She hadn't even spoken to Molly, much less looked at her since the information hit her ears. Vic and Teddy were over and done, and while she desperately wanted to try and be happy for Molly, she couldn't. It felt like a low blow. Sighing as she pushed those thoughts out of her head, she tied her blonde hair behind her head and stared at the entry to the Leaky Cauldron.

She took a deep breath and walked in with her head held high and her bracelets jingling on her arms. She spot Teddy almost immediately and felt her heart drop a few centimeters. But, she pressed on, stopping in front of his table. "Really straight to the point there," she stated, feeling her arms crossing over her chest. She sighed, pulling back the chair across from him without asking to sit. "Getting our shit together. Okay. So, what? Are we laying everything out in the open?" she questioned, one eyebrow raised as she leaned back, making sure he was going to follow through.

[Teddy Lupin]

He was nearly startled out of his thoughts as he she suddenly showed up and he looked up, his heart clenching like it did every time he was around her. Whether it was from left over feelings which would always be there or guilt or whatever, it always made him stop short a few words. He swallowed that butterbeer which was in his mouth because even in the dingy light of the tavern, she looked beautiful as ever and he had to blink a few times to remove the expression of awe from his face.

Had they run into each other like any other day, he'd have acted as if he had no idea what she was talking about. But after everything that happened over the past two years, he was honestly tired of beating around the bush and had no patience for twisted words. "Yeah, to the point," he said as he watched her take the seat across from him. "That's exactly what we're going to do, lay it all out. I've got answers to all your questions and it's about time you earned an explanation and I got a chance to give one."

"We've grown up together Vic," he said, looking her in the eye. "We know each other inside out, so why are we being strangers. We never would've backed down from a fight before and we're not going to again. So ask, ask me whatever because I am done being your enemy. I want to fix this, whatever it's we've broken," he said.

[Victoire Weasley]

"Okay," she sighed, feeling a strange sensation of nerves fill her. She wanted the answers and for once he agreed to give them to her. He wasn't going to avoid her anymore and this...whatever it was anymore was going to try and be sorted. Yet, there were some parts of her that didn't want the answers. She didn't want to hear the confirmation that she just wasn't good enough for him because honestly that fear without the explanation was enough for her. She studied his face for a long moment and inwardly sighed. The expression he held when she first arrived was enough to warm her as she cooled by the second. She'd missed that look he always got. She missed him.

"You are really going to answer all of my questions? No beating around the bush? We're staying here until everything is answered and done?" she asked for confirmation, that eyebrow still raised. She leaned forward in her seat, resting her elbows on the table and her head on the back of her hands. She studied his face for any hesitation. "Alright. That's all I want. And I...er...guess that could go both ways?" she threw in, just to even the playing field. Though really, her stories had nothing on his.

She nodded as he began. Merlin, they had known each other for so long. Since they were children and the eldest of such a large clan. "Well, sometimes being strangers is just the easier option," she sighed. "It takes two to repair what has been broken after all and until now no one tried. And you're right," she agreed, a ghost of a smile on her lips. "I wouldn't have let you get away with avoiding me in the past. Not even when we were children."

She thought about her first question for a moment, trying to figure out how to start this. Should she go easy or should she go hard? "Okay. First question. And no bending the truth," she warned, pointing a finger at him. "What happened? Why did you call...us off so suddenly? Just...was it me? That's all I need," she said, her voice quiet. One of her biggest fears was rejection and she assumed Teddy probably knew this. If it was her, well, then it was her. Eventually she would just have to get over it.

[Teddy Lupin]

"Yes, I'll answer everything. We aren't moving until we're sorted out, okay?" he promised, nodding and taking a particularly large gulp of butterbeer, almost choking on it. He knew it was only fair for her to get the answers she was looking for because all things said and done, she was an amazing person who didn't deserve to be left in the dark. "Thank you," he said when she extended the same courtesy towards him and nodded. He didn't have many questions, only apologies although if he was completely honest, he wanted to know why she'd run off to France and if she'd met anybody there; how she felt about the Molly thing. But he wasn't about to bring it up right now..maybe in a bit.

"But it's also painful. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to walk around you at the Burrow or Shell Cottage, when we've know each other for so long, to pretend as if we were never best friends, never together?" he asked. He smiled back softly, pushing forward his bottle of butterbeer towards her offering it to her, before he braced himself for her question.

Her first question wasn't something that surprised him. In fact, he'd mentally prepared himself to answer it over the last two years because now that he'd finally told both Lily and Roxanne, it was only fair she knew too. But what shocked him was her insecurity, that belief that she'd been the one to break them. If he'd had any idea she'd felt that way, he'd have had this conversation months ago. "What?" he asked, confused. "No. No! Of course, not, Vic," he said, pulling closer to the table so he could make sure she was listening. "Victoire, I love - d you, so much," he said, faltering a bit as he almost said the words neither of them were ready to hear at all. "I did, it hurt me so badly to leave you. It was not you, no. I wasn't just throwing a cliche line when I said, it's not you, it's me."

Swallowing he pulled back a bit, before admitting to the truth. "A few months before we broke up, I was diagnosed with clinical depression. My doctor and therapist told me that I needed to get help, and I knew it was a major step to take, but I also knew that depression isn't something that just goes away. It's more than just a swing of moods, it's an illness. And it isn't easy being with somebody who suffers it. I didn't want to put you through that, and I knew if you knew you'd want to help me."

"I tried to find multiple ways to tell you, until Lily's thirteenth birthday dinner. You remember how we'd all gathered at Harry's home for dinner. That was the end of a really bad week for me, I was in a bad place and I just wanted everything to end. Heck, if Ginny hadn't called for me, I don't know what I would've ended up doing," he said, his voice shaking but devoid of emotion. "When I finally realized just how big a problem I might be making you a part of, I felt guilty. So, I left you."

"And then I went and got admitted to St. Mungo's for seven months under suicide watch," he added in a soft voice.

[Victoire Weasley]

She nodded in agreement. "Sounds good," she said, letting out a long sigh. "No moving." She watched his face after she offered her deal. Honestly, if he were going to take advantage of it, he had better hold off until the end. She assumed, by the way he eyed her, that France had crossed his mind. She'd expected it. After all, she had spent a year there, running basically. She pulled the coward card and the more she thought about it, the more shame filled her. She had run from her problems instead of faced them. She had run like a coward.

"Hard for you?" she repeated quietly. She shook her and a small chuckle escaped her lips without much humor. "Teddy....You left me," she said simply. "Just imagine...I saw you everywhere. Even in my home. You were there. You...crushed me," she said after a pause, bting her lips as she regained her composure. "And there you were walking around. Sometimes it's just easier to pretend like you weren't hurt. Hoping one day you might actually believe it," she said with a shrug. She accepted the beer gratefully, probably taking a longer swing then she meant to. But honestly, her emotions were threatening to explode right now. She had spent so long repressing and pushing them back that now they were relishing the chance to surface again. She needed something stronger than butterbeer. Returning the smile, she passed him the beer back.

She raised her eyes to meet his the second the no left his lips and it felt like a rock lifted her shoulder. So..it wasn't her. She hadn't screwed it up? She wanted to let out a huge sigh of relief, and she almost did, but Teddy kept speaking. The rock came crashing down with a strong force and she bit down on her bottom lip. Loved was almost love. He had almost used the present tense and she had caught it. Did she catch it because maybe, somewhere in the back of her mind she hoped for it? Probably. She barely heard the next sentence he spoke, but she felt her hand reaching to snatch up the butter beer she had just handed back and took another, smaller swing, finally releasing it to Teddy. She listened closely, paying close attention to every word he spoke as he explained why he left her. "You were what?" she felt herself gasping, her eyebrows shooting up. He was clinically depressed? Why was she just now finding this out? The more he spoke, the angrier she got. Did he really believe that? That it was such a burden that she wouldn't be able to handle it.

She couldn't take it. As soon as he finished talking about Lily's birthday, anger over took her and she held both hands in the air, stopping him. "You never told me?" she repeated, her voice a steely calm. "One, that hurts enough that you kept that from me because what I got from that is that you didn't trust me with that information. Secondly, you don't make my decisions," she said hotly. "You might have been hiding it from me for my own good.You might have believed it was for the best, but Teddy you never gave me a chance. I would have been there for you no matter what, but you never gave me that chance!" she continued, waving a hand in the air. "You just assumed, without even talking to me once, that it was the best decision for me. What if it wasn't? Did you ever talk to me about it? No. But that is what a relationship is about. Communication. Communication, love, and dependence. And you might have showed me one of those at the end. Whether or not I went through it would have been my decision," she finished, leaning back in her seat.

She felt herself cooling down slowly and she inhaled deeply through her nose. "I'm still here for you, you know that?" she mumbled, arms crossed over her chest. "Idiot," she added, unable to resist, though her eyes had grown much softer. "And I thank Merlin for Ginny for calling you that day. I don't think I even want to think what could have happened," she said slowly, closing her eyes.

They snapped back open. "You were in Mungos?" she repeated, the harsh tone back. "I..why didn't you ever tell me?" she felt herself repeating, feeling the rock on her shoulders crushing down harder. "Do I get another question?" she said after a long pause. "Or is it your turn now?...I need a fire whiskey..." she trailed off, looking at the bar.

ooc: sorry got carried away. xD

[Teddy Lupin]

"Yes, it was hard for me," he said, reinforcing the strength to his words, in a way he hopes she'd understand. He needed her to understand that it wasn't easy for him to decide to leave her. He swallowed, guilty as she told him how he'd crushed her because never had that been his intention. He'd loved her so so much, for so so long and he had no intentions of breaking her. Heck, he'd watched her grow into such a strong, independent, beautiful woman that the mere idea of breaking her, hurt him. But he didn't regret his decision, not even now; the only thing he could regret were its consequences which were still hurting him today, hurting her too.

He swallowed once again, not even bothering to hold the beer in his hand as she snatched it back from him. His eyes were only trained on her, watching her, watching the emotion in her eyes as he wondered just what on earth was going on in her head. He felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest as he finally admitted to her what was wrong with him, that he was a screwed piece of a boy. He expected the anger, sure he did. What he didn't expect was the surge of anger within him, building up so much that for a couple of seconds, he choked on his words, his eyes round and his mouth falling open.

"Didn't trust you w- are you joking?" he asked, confusion and disbelief all over his face. "I was depressed, Victoire. I still am because it just doesn't go away like that. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to admit to myself that I was screwed up? Do you know what it's like feeling such utter despair at the fact that you're a mess, and then despair at the fact that you're in despair? I couldn't admit to myself for a long time that I needed help, how was I supposed to admit it to you? You're a Healer, you should know how hard it can be for somebody to ask for help, especially in a situation like mine. And you're right, I took away your decision from you, but I didn't want you to be burdened with me!" he said, his breath coming in deep pants.

Closing his eyes, he took a few breaths to calm himself down, because he didn't want to fight her over this. "Look, I know you feel robbed of your decisions, but living with a depressed person is no joke, let alone getting married to one. I'm not saying you didn't love me because I know you did, and that's it. You loved me enough to be there for me, but you would end up destroying yourself being there for me. Would you really want that? To be with me and watch me slowly lose myself? I didn't want to put you through that. I loved you too much to."

"I know you are, which is why I'm telling you this. I know you're angry and hurt, which is why we're here, okay." He watched her eyes soften a bit and took a relaxed breath, hoping the worst was over. Of course there were many more drawers to open and rummage through, but the one he'd been the most nervous about, she'd taken it better than he'd expected. He almost let a small smile slip when she called him an idiot. "Yeah, so I've been told."

"Yeah, yeah I was. I was in a different wing than yours and I made sure that my Healer, how important anonymity was to me, so he made sure my being there was kept a secret from everyone, including you. It wasn't easy because you work there, but I pulled it off," he admitted. "No, go ahead, ask me more. I want you to."

[Victoire Weasley]

Right away she caught the force behind his words and her eyes dropped from his face to the table. Victoire had always been pretty aware of happenings around her, alert to everyone else. Yet, she felt as if she downplayed just how hard it had it him as well. She had been too busy piecing her heart together, wondering what the hell had happened between them that she never considered that he could be hurting as much as she was. Stupid. “Alright,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry, I misjudged,” she admitted, still not meeting his eyes. “It’s just…I don’t want that anymore.” And with that, she looked up to meet his eyes. However, she had more than one meaning to that statement. While she did want him back in her life hands down, she also didn’t want that feeling of brokenness back. It would be hard to keep both.

However, after her rant she expected Teddy to get annoyed. Maybe she hadn’t been too fair, honestly. But her eyebrows shot up at the pure shock on his face and the words he began to spit out. How did he expect her to react? “No, I’m not,” she said seriously, leaning back in her seat, her fingers tapping against the table. She eyed him, biting her tongue. She wanted to tell him he wasn’t screwed up, that there was nothing wrong with him, but she was well aware of the effects of depression. Besides, he would probably just scoff at her words and none of them would have any effect at all. “Exactly, I’m a healer!” she began, unable to resist. “While I know it’s hard to admit, you had help right under your nose!” She took a deep breath, containing herself. But then…”Again, not your decision. Teddy. I respect you, you know that right?” she said calmly, getting that out of the way. “Probably more than the majority of people I know and love and it’s always been that way. But you did make a decision that affected two people. I know it’s hard, and I never realized exactly how hard it was,” she sighed, averting her eyes again. “Plus, I would have been able to help…Still can if you’ll let me. I’m a healer for Merlin’s sake.” Deep breathe.

“I feel like I keep repeating myself. Probably am. I’m not saying it wouldn’t have been hard. It would have and I know it,” she stated simply. “You would have your bad days and I would feel the effects strongly, I know. But I don’t think it would have destroyed us, or me. I dunno, I’m not a Seer. Neither are you, at least to my knowledge. And honestly, if you had told me two years ago I would have still risked it. And there would always be other options, other ways to prevent the depression from getting worse…But I wish you would have at least told me the reason you left me if indeed there was no way to change your stubborn mind. But instead you went to great lengths to stay in Mungos, my work, for seven months and completely avoided me. I just…” she sighed, the harshness of her tone softening again. “It’s just the shock,” she finished, tired.

She considered him for a moment, tracing the wood of the table with her fingertip. She fought down the anger. “Alright. Molly. My cousin. When?” those were the only words she could form and stay calm. “I haven’t even spoken to her. I found out through my sister that anything happened at all. Could you explain?”

[Teddy Lupin]

"It's okay, you don't have to apologize," he said, shocked as soon as the words had left his mouth. Isn't that what he'd wanted this whole time, an apology? Of course, he'd wanted a chance to apologize because he'd broken her heart but when she'd acted like he wasn't breaking in the process too, he wanted nothing more than to give her a good shake and show her what was right in from of her. Yet, as he heard the words come from her, he realized this isn't what he needed at all. An apology wasn't what he'd been looking for, rather just a chance to make things right. "And, I know it doesn't sum up what we've been through, but I'm sorry too."

He listened to her piece, even though he just felt like closing his eyes and letting the words go over his head. The two people whom he'd ever told the truth had only tried to reassure him that he wasn't a fuck up. But that wasn't why he'd told them in the first place - he had a therapist for that. The reason he'd told them was because he just needed them to know, because he needed somebody to know. So, he was a little surprised, and very warmed by the fact that Victoire knew what he wanted to hear and what not and didn't try to reinforce onto him what she thought about him. Then again, maybe she hated him and was just holding her tongue. Either way, he appreciated it. "I know that, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made the decision for you. You didn't deserve that," he said, nodding. "But I don't regret it, I think you should know. I regret how much pain I put us through and for hurting you and for losing what we had, but given how bad a position I was in at that point, I don't regret keeping you away from it. And before you say it's up to you, it was me. I don't think I could've tolerated seeing you, or anybody, see me like that."

"It's nice to hear," he said, mumbling as his imagination went into overdrive, pulling scenarios into their heads of how it would've been had she stayed. Would they have fought often, would she have held him at night when he'd had a rough day, would she have been by his side as they kept in him in bed, sedated? He blinked his way back to reality, when he realized just what he was doing. He shook his head to clear it, catching the end of her last question. A question which made him freeze.

"I can...try," he allowed, trying to come up with the words to just explain what an ignorant arse he'd been. "It happened once, on my birthday," he started. "We were out, at the Burrow, taking a walk and just relaxing, and we started to drink and then we got really drunk and one thing lead to another," he said. He swallowed for a second, wondering if he should tell her that he didn't regret it, but he realized it wouldn't help at all so he kept his mouth shut. "I wasn't trying to come between you guys, I really wasn't."