LAWERENCE / jason

[Nikolai Hartley]

Monsieur Lawerence,

Vut iz zee meaning of dis? Vy haz you abandoned me? it is fucking hard to convey a French accent via owl. SHOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU A HOWLER

Seriously, man, why have I not seen you for like, fifty seven hours? It's just not good enough. My heart pines for you. PINES[/u]. I even counted the hours we've been parted. well kind of

And if you tell me that you're abandoning me for homework, well. You can imagine the disappointed face I might give you? COMPOUND IT BY TEN. That is the only way to understand how destroyed I will be by this betrayal. 

And if you haven't ditched me for homework, then you're just being slack! And thus you ought to regain my love and trust by either bringing me food from the kitchens or giving me a piggy back there. Cassie was flinging fluffy socks at Rosie in the common room last I saw, and Dashwood the Dashing is busy running after his Slytherin tribe, and the blonde Weasley, Dom's little brother - what's his name? Lulu? Or is that a girl's name only? Linus? Like that dude in the muggle film about robbing a bank? Have you seen that? It's brilliant, you have to watch it with me sometime - is always being a bank robber either moody or tricksy so he'll be busy and all of the other prefects will be dazzled by our beauty so we don't need to concern ourselves with getting in trouble. 

I EXPECT A REPLY. AND YOUR PRESENCE. 

Also, if you could tell your dormmate, the one with the nose, to stop SNORING SO LOUDLY IN HISTORY, I would very much appreciate it. 

Manly kisses,
Nik

[jason]

Madam Hartley,

Vell, ye started wif that 'orrible accent. Ye can't think I vould steek 'round fo' zat, do yo'?

Your heart should pine for me. I’m perfect of course. But fifty-seven hours? I was wondering why my heart was in pieces on the floor from not seeing your face. It’s not like I was counting the minutes of how long we’ve been apart or anything. Except you know YOU LEFT ME for fifty-seven hours. I don’t think I can forgive you.

Really? REALLY? You think I would leave you for homework? Oh my sick, delusional friend, that fifty-seven hours of separation has done horrible things to your mind. You need me in your life. AND REMOVED THAT FACE. Remove it now. And picture the look of pain I’m sending YOU. But you can’t, because it’s just too painful.

You left me.

I am a slack and I’m proud. Though, I have formed a “Save the Squirrels From Pete” campaign if that counts as being productive. I drew stick figure squirrels and made buttons. Do you want one? And I am not an owl. I do NOT fetch food or give piggy backs. Oh Merlin those fifty-seven hours have changed you Niky! Do you even REMEMBER ME? It’s either you go get food for me or you get it with me. Sorry, that’s the deal time boy.

And your common room sounds dull. Us Ravenclaws rave. All day. All night. We’re cooler than you. No, Lulu sounds about right to me. Well, I hope it is or Clyde will just have to deal with it. And do you KNOW how many muggle movies involve robbing banks. It’s like required! Sheesh. Keep up. Though if it gives us more time together, then lets watch it Bonnie.

And please. They’ll be giving THEMSELVES detention for not looking as good as us. We’re just drop dead gorgeous.

THIS IS NOT A REPLY. THEN COME TO ME.

Stuff something up his nose. It’s what I do.

Lots of hugs and kisses,
Jason

[Nikolai Hartley]

EXCUSE ME I AM A MANLY MAN. 

Dearest Lawerencia,

I veenk you 'ust broke my ears eyes wif your 'orrifying acceent. Theez arr teers of blood. 

Awh, your heart's in pieces? I'm touched. I'd be more touched, of course, if I wasn't as beautiful as I am which basically makes the heartbroken pining mandatory for being out of my presence for so long, but you know, it's the thought that counts. EXCUSE ME BUT I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT YOU LEFT ME. I remember because we were lying down in the sun and you got skittish and insisted on moving on a good ol' lazy day AND LEFT ME ALONE ON THE GRASS. If Cassie hadn't basically tugged me inside by my beautiful locks, I might have DIED. I don't know if I can forgive you.  

That's what I said, but seeing as half of our year is practically wanking to the textbooks, I had to entertain the possibility! This face is irremovable. THE DISAPPOINTED HURT WILL STAY UNTIL SOMETHING IS DONE TO FIX IT. 

If Hawthorne thinks it's counter-productive, it probably isn't so yup, productive! How do you draw a stick figure squirrel? HOW. It's a button. Of course I want one. But you loooooooove me. Um, I think you had brown eyes, right? And your name's like… Jekyll? Ew, and fend off the admirers alone? No thank you, mister! You're coming with me. 

My common room is the sex, thank you very much. There are orgies all day long. It's how Gryffindors know all the sex magic. And at night, we play with fire. And burn Ravenclaws. And the boys have parties on the girl's staircase because they're so badass that they don't make the staircase slide. And there are flying carrots. And flying carpets. And the curtains sing. We're the coolerest. Could've sworn it was Linus? Oh well, let's test them next time we see him. Well, yes, but there's three of these and they're actually quality! Oh, of course we must. 

Can they give themselves detention, or is that like, masochism? Can you imagine Longbottom's face? 'Why have you given yourself detention?' 'Oh, sir, I'm just indulging in my masochistic tendencies.' 

WHAT IS IT, CHOPPED LIVER? THAT'S PRETTY SICK. NO BECAUSE THAT REQUIRES EFFORT. I AM THE LAZIEST PERSON WE ALL KNOW. 

That requires touching it, though. 

Manly kisses,
Nik

[jason]

I'm sorry, what was that Frenchie?

Dear Hartilda,

Yo'r eyes jus can't 'andle ma amazing aceeent. Yo better vipe dose teers.

Of course it is. All over the floor. Just scattered. AND NO. YOU ARE WRONG.YOU left ME first mister. That is all a lie and I resent that! I'm giving you a resentful look. NOOO How I remember it is in the midst of our lazy day in the sun (because I think you sedated me) I dozed off for like five seconds and you left me. You were gone and I was all alone. And I died. That's how I remember it. I think the question is if I can forgive you? That'll take a lot of bribing.

Again, this is me. Since when have a sat still long enough to do homework? You know, never. And remove that face now. How do I fix what? I AM NOT GIVING YOU A PIGGY BACK RIDE HARTLEY.

See, that's what I was thinking. You just get me so well. Oh it's a master piece truly. It's a stick figure with ears and I even put in a fluffy tail. And nuts like raining on it. Though....The nuts are just dots because that was just too much work. And good! I made one specially for you. We'll be button buddies. As for the loving part....I like my back you know in one piece rather than snapped into from hauling your arse down to the kitchens. I do not give piggy back rides.

If I'm Jekyll...Then that makes you Mr. Hyde. As for the admirers, you do realize they only tag around for me right?

Your common room is...sex? I had to take five minutes to stop laughing. If there really are orgies all night, how come I was never invited? I'm very hurt by that. And burning Ravenclaws? You would BURN me? And here I thought this was love. No, it just turns out I befriended a pyro. But flying carrots? Really? Well we have flying corn. During our raves. Because we're Ravenclaws and we put you Gryffindors to shame. And huh. Maybe it is Linus. Why don't you ask him JUST to make sure.

What are the three you are talking about? I have to prepare myself for the awesomeness that is bank robbing night.

I guess it could count as that. Because they have been "very, very bad prefects". I honestly would love to get a photograph of Professor Longbottom's face if anyone did that. Lets look extra beautiful on our food run so that this happens.

NOPE. IT'S FUCKING DAISIES. YOU NEED TO GET PAST THIS PROBLEM WITH MOVEMENT AND MOVE. DON'T YOU WANT TO SEE MY FACE?

Not if you levitate it. Are you a wizard or not?

Lots of hugs and kisses,
Jason