Scorpius

[Sebastian Nott]

ooc. - chucked to scorpius around the same time seb was slipping notes to devyn as he is having great fun with this chucking notes across the slytherin table business
_____________________________________

Dear Cousin,

GUESS WHAT. I had sex.

Seb

P.S. Pass the butter.

[Scorpius Malfoy]

Yes, so I gathered from some of the things you've said before. Is this that one time last year we're talking about?

Scorpius

((OOC - He took some butter for himself, and then put the dish back exactly where it was before...))

[Sebastian Nott]

Dear Butterwhore,

First off, that was rude. We both know I'm too precious to reach across for the butter myself. It's like three spaces down from me and that's too much energy to be exerted. Just pass it down, will you?

I'm going to ignore your comments, as they are obviously fuelled by your jealousy of me and therefore not good enough to respond to. Right, okay, so I was at this wizard bar during the holidays and then I saw this really fit bird so I just went up to her and I basically pulled her in about five minutes flat, I shit you not, and then we went back to her apartment - I didn't like that part, she was terribly poor and it was disgusting, the room was so small I nearly keeled over from lack of oxygen and she basically had no furniture - and then sex, sex, sex. She writes for that magazine, the bitchy one, I think.

I also had sex with Eva Faraday, the night of the party. I noticed you didn't comment on how adorable I looked in my fluffy bunny costume. Colour me wounded. My own cousin.

Anyways, I meant to tell you all of this earlier, but I forgot. What with you nearly dying and all. You look far better than you did in the hospital, by the way. No offence but you looked like shit, mate. I don't know why people wanted to go in and see you.

Sebastian, aka the boy man who saved your life

[Scorpius Malfoy]

Dear Seb,

Talking of rude, we're missing a word there somewhere.

What am I meant to be jealous of exactly? That was the least interesting story I've heard in a while. And okay, I'm not going to judge or anything. I mean, if Faraday likes shagging people in fluffy bunny costumes, that's her life choice I suppose.

Yeah, cheers for the compliment. Or not. But thanks for your bit of getting me to the hospital, I guess. Though I can't really remember anything about it, which is probably a good thing.

Scorpius

[Sebastian Nott]

Scorpius,

I'm confused. What are you talking about now? Stop trying to change the subject from me.

Jealous of my good looks, my hair, my charm, my talent, my intelligence. And I thought the story was very interesting indeed, thank you very much. Merlin, you never make the effort to listen to me! Sometimes I feel like this relationship is utterly one-sided. I make all the effort and yet you refuse to pay the attention needed for me. Wounded.

If you were conscious you'd have been in awe of me. I was amazing. I was basically Batman except hotter. You can't even comprehend how fabulous I was. And it was cool because I got to hang out in Mungo's and chat up the fit Healers. And the whole family was there, so it was like a really depressing reunion.

Seb

[Scorpius Malfoy]

Seb,

Well it's not that difficult to confuse you. Figure it out, and I might just pass you the butter.

Oh, those. I thought you meant of the sex life you have, where you basically have it so rarely that every occasion is a major achievement. And I paid attention. You, some girl, a bar, her horrible flat, sex, you again, Faraday, a bunny costume, more sex. How exciting. I suppose it makes a change for you anyway. Having sex, I mean.

I'm feeling less grateful every second. And yeah, depressing's probably the most relevant word you used there.

Scorpius

[Sebastian Nott]

Scorpius,

Stop talking in riddles and pass me the damn butter.

Fuck you, man, at least I'm not completely whipped. And it took you, like, six months to bone your girlfriend. And I get lots and lots of sex because obviously no woman can keep her hands off of me. And let me just impress on you how horrific her flat was - I didn't even realise people lived in places that small, I shit you not. It was even worse than that little place you've taken to living in with Teddy.

I wish you'd been awake when your dad had to thank me for helping to get you to Mungo's. Funniest shit ever. He was twitching like mad.

Seb

[Scorpius Malfoy]

Seb,

Nope, 'damn' isn't the word.

No, because you haven't spent the entire meal throwing notes to the girl you fancy at all. And you're hopelessly and pathetically wrong with your guess of six months, but never mind because I'm pretty sure you've been trying to get into Oberlin's pants for well over that. Bit pathetic really, wouldn't you say? And if you have so much sex, why do you only talk about the odd time? Why did the fact that you got some need capital letters?

Yes, it's amazing the horrible conditions some people live in, isn't it? Still, at least your eyes are now opened to the fact that not everyone owns a mansion.

He thanked you? That was nice of him. It's lovely how much he cares, isn't it? Enough to get him to voluntarily speak to you, which is really saying something.

Scorpius

[Sebastian Nott]

Scorpius,

I don't fancy Oberlin. Pass the butter.

Seb

[Scorpius Malfoy]

Seb,

Nor are you remotely defensive about the subject. Have the fucking butter, you prat. Next time you'll get it quicker if you say please.

Scorpius

[Sebastian Nott]

Scorpius,

WHY ARE YOU WRITING TO HER WHAT ARE YOU SAYING. YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING I AM SO CLOSE TO GETTING HER INTO MY BED.

You're a butterwhore and I hate you.

Seb

[Scorpius Malfoy]

Seb,

Oh, am I? I'm so sorry. Don't worry, I'll put things right with her. Though she looks more like she's finishing her meal than heading for your bed to be honest.

Scorpius