Ophelia

[Ophelia Lancaster]

Lachlan,

YES YES. YOU JUST MADE MY LIFE. STRIP CLUB, YES! I AM SUPER DUPER KEEN FOR IT!

We're going to a straight strip club and then a gay one, okay? Because I still want to see some shirtless guys. Ohh! I wonder if there's a strip club that has both? Because that'd be awesome. Let's go there!

Love,
Ophelia

[Lachlan Creevey]

Ophelia,

BLESS YOU AND EVERYONE YOU'VE EVER TALKED TO IN YOUR LIFE! There's a reason why you're my favorite.

Details, details. Let's just roll with it. I'm kindly asking you to do the research and/or planning of this evening because clearly I'm too busy being a diligent student pursuing NEWT-level education.

Love,
Lachlan

[Ophelia Lancaster]

Lachlan,

Of course I'm your favourite! WE'RE GOING TO A STRIP CLUB! THIS IS WHY YOU NEED A CAMERA. You need to document this whole event.

I'll research it gladly! Oh, what should we wear? Can we go as something themed and saying it's like our engagement party or something and get cheap lap dances? WE SHOULD GO AS TARZAN AND JANE. You have the hair for it!

Love,
Ophelia

[Lachlan Creevey]

Ophelia,

I DON’T PERSONALLY OWN A CAMERA AND I DON’T THINK I CAN AFFORD ONE but I’ll be sure to nick one off someone who does for the day.

Like an actual-but-pretend engagement gig? Sweet. Who’re Tarzan and Jane? This is like the Willy Wonka thing all over again, I’m feeling a bit out of the loop here.

Love,
Lachlan

[Ophelia Lancaster]

Lachlan,

DEFINITELY STEAL ONE OFF SOMEONE FOR THE DAYS AND MAKE COPIES OF THE PHOTOS BEFORE LEAVING THEM TO THEIR OWN ENJOYMENT!

Yeah! But we can be cute and have sweet rings instead and say we're childhood sweethearts. See what I did there? Sorry, I forget you don't know much about the Muggle world. I sent you a Muggle picture of them though they don't move like in Wizarding photos.

Love,
Ophelia

[Lachlan Creevey]

Ophelia,

WILL DO. OUR IDEAS ARE THE BEST EVER.

Psh, we’re already cute enough as it is, but alrighty. Yeah, I see what you did there. Oh man, you really think my hair matches this Tarzan guy’s hair? I’d say mine’s much better than his. Anyways, let’s do it.

Love,
Lachlan

[Ophelia Lancaster]

Lachlan,

WHY ARE WE SO AWESOME?!

Okay, cool. Good plan! Aren't I just hilarious? And no, your hair is much better than his because you wash it! Also, yours gets all windswept if you've been standing outside for too long and looks like the most brilliant sex hair in the universe.

Love,
Ophelia

[Lachlan Creevey]

Ophelia,

I DON’T KNOW BUT I DO THINK OTHER PEOPLE SHOULD TAKES NOTES AND LEARN FROM US. BECAUSE WE’RE JUST THAT AWESOME.

You’re the most hilarious ever! Yes, I do wash my hair, thank you very much. This level of perfection takes some effort, after all. Have you been stalking me, Lancaster? Can't see any other explanation for why you would happen to know exactly what my hair does when I'm outside for long periods of time.

Love,
Lachlan

[Ophelia Lancaster]

Lachlan,

OH OH! LET'S JUST RUN A CLASS. A CLASS ON HOW TO BE AWESOME. EVERYONE WOULD TAKE IT AND WE'D GET LOTS OF MONEY!

I know! And your hair's flawless. No, I just used to watch you a lot back in Hogwarts. That's not stalking, Creevey. That's being observant. Though I don't know if it borders along something else if you start watching someone in the shower. Haven't you ever noticed me, baby?

Love,
Ophelia

[Lachlan Creevey]

Ophelia,

I’M ALL FOR IT. WE WOULD BE THE SHIT.

You used to watch me a lot? Aw, that’s like, sweet. In a strange but nice way. Yeah. Oh, I didn’t realize we were getting all fancy here - I was probably half-asleep in the shower when you popped in. Better luck next time!

Love,
Lachlan

[Ophelia Lancaster]

Lachlan,

What? No! I don't want to be 'the shit'. The shit sounds bad. I want to be 'the awesome'! Sorry for switching to little letters, by the by. My hand was cramping up.

I was trying to figure out if you were gay actually. You and that fellow from Hufflepuff seems awfully close. I think he's Lysander's brother? I met him once in the library, under the table. It was pretty cool. I'll be watching you so keep an eye out.

- Ophelia

[Lachlan Creevey]

Ophelia,

But I like my idea? I think you’re getting it all wrong - you’ve got to put emphasis on the “the” for it to work. So we wouldn’t be “the shit,” we’d be “the shit.” That must make sense, right?

Well, mission accomplished for you, because I can tell you right now that I’m very much straight. Lorcan and I have a special relationship, I wouldn’t expect a lot of people to understand.

Love,
Lachlan

[Ophelia Lancaster]

Lachlan,

So we'd be the ultimate shit? That doesn't sound fun. Just gross.

Oh, you don't kiss like a gay guy so props to you, Lachlan. Props to you! Is he straight though? Or is he asexual? Because he seems to have this weird bond with his cat.

Love,
Ophelia

[Lachlan Creevey]

Ophelia,

Well, when you put it that way, it does. Don't be such a Negative Nancy!

Wait, are you saying that you know what kissing a gay guy feels like? So you've kissed a gay guy? I would describe my good friend Lorcan as catsexual, actually - as in, he'll always love his cat way more than he'll love people. It's fucking strange and I hate his cat, but I still love him. Life is tough.

Love,
Lachlan

[Ophelia Lancaster]

Lachlan,

Oh, hush!

Well, I've only kissed you and Heath before so unless one of you isn't telling me something... I'd have to say no. Aw, your friend Lorcan sounds cute! I love cats! Especially the ones that get rid of rats.

Love,
Ophelia