the quill's in my hand

[Gavriella Spencer]

GAVRIELLA LORRAINE SPENCER ,

I'LL KEEP YOU MY DIRTY LITTLE SECRET ,

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DEAR JOURNAL

It's been a while since I last wrote in this thing... it's kind of weird. But I'm happy that I have a use for it now. Anyway...

I'm in love. Truly and fully in love.

What's even better is that he's not like someone my mum would bring home. He's totally opposite, actually. He's sweet and caring and flirty and handsome and his body is AH-MAZING. He's hot and he'd never hurt me in a million years. We haven't been going out for all that long and we can't really talk about it. He's older, you see, and could lose his job. I don't want that to happen. I wish I could write down his name. I love writing it. I love changing my last name to his and pretending that I'm Mrs. Gavriella ____________. He makes me so happy. Sometimes I can't sleep at night because I'm thinking about him.

I sound like one of those stupid girls, don't I? But I'm not! I just... I love him. I haven't told him because it's only been, what?, a month. And I'm not sure how he feels about me. We met up last summer (not intentionally) at a club. We snogged and felt each other up and almost had sex. But he's so sweet that I asked him to stop and he listened. I'm still a virgin, but I know I'm going to lose it to him. I want to.

Only Frankie knows about him so far. He promised not to say a thing. I threatened to castrate him if he let it slip to anyone. I want to tell James, because he's my other best friend, but I can't bring myself to. I feel bad, but I think he'd get protective over me and do something rash.

In other news... well, there's really nothing else to say. Besides that I'm nice to Jerald now because he's actually pretty funny. He comes off as this arrogant git, probably to protect himself, but he's really cool. I like him. And my mission is to annoy the piss out of him.

XOXO, GAVI

[Gavriella Spencer]

DEAR JOURNAL

I seem to be screwing up indefinitely. This is really not cool. I'm paranoid now; I keep looking over my shoulder, waiting for something to happen.

First, I hexed Jerald. We were playing "I Never" and our inhibitions were a little low - I barely had anything, but firewhisky generally makes me a bit woozy after only a few shots. Anyway, somehow we got on the subject of masturbation. So I thought of HIM, wondering if he did it when I wasn't around, thinking about me in order to get off. Jerald saw me blushing and pointed it out that I was thinking about masturbation. So I hexed him. I used Duro of all curses and he turned into a stone. A FUCKING STONE FIGURE! I felt terrible. So, I tried the reverse spell (a 7th-year spell, by the way) and it worked... sort of. Jerald turned back into a human (sadly), but with no facial hair. Not good.

Secondly, I decided to throw a party. Only certain people were invited. Somehow Ryan Sparrow got on that list - don't ask how. Well, I was completely trashed; I could barely walk in a straight line. And Ryan decided that he wanted to talk to me. He wanted to apologize for shoving me last term. I started crying and walked away from him. I couldn't deal with it - not properly. But he did look sorry. I've decided that I need to find him, accept his apology and then apologize for my behavior towards him. I doubt he'll accept... karma's a bitch, you know.

XOXO, GAVI

[Gavriella Spencer]

DEAR JOURNAL

Rosa Rodriguez wants to snog me. And I'm pretty certain she offered to preform oral sex on me. I'm just a little freaked out. Yeah, Rosa is fucking hot - she knows it, I know it, everyone knows it - but I'm scared for my lesbian virginity right now.

I think I'll spend a few nights with Luke. I'm scared to be anywhere near the Gryffindor common room or the dorms. Besides, all of my prettiest pants are somewhere in Luke's room. I hope he's found them and gave them a proper washing.

XOXO, GAVI

[Gavriella Spencer]

DEAR JOURNAL

I had a chat with Minos today. It was nice, actually, just the two of us. I like him, Frankie's crazy about him... they're good together. And so cute, too! (But Frankie thinks they should be called supermegasexy or something like that.) Anyway...

I let it slip that I have a boyfriend. I told Minos the same thing I told Rosa. Minos apparently has morals, which is kind of really shocking. But it made me think realize that what I'm doing with Luke is really dangerous. And selfish. I love him; I shouldn't ask him to risk his job and reputation for me.

So, I'm thinking that I should break-up with him. Temporarily. Just until I graduate. It's only a year. But, a year is so far away! And the thought of losing Luke makes me tear up. Then I remind myself that if someone finds us out, I could lose him forever.

I don't know what to do. I should really speak with Luke, tell him my thoughts. It's the right thing to do.

XOXO, GAVI

[Gavriella Spencer]

DEAR JOURNAL

I broke up with Luke.

XOXO, GAVI

[Gavriella Spencer]

DEAR JOURNAL

God, I'm so depressed. Nothing feels right. I haven't laughed in days. I isolate myself from everyone, except Frankie (mainly.) I'm actually looking forward to go home in a few weeks. Frankie's invited me to stay on with him and I might take him up on that. But he and Minos are crazy in love and while I love them both (well, Frankie; I only like Minos), I don't want to be around their happiness. It'll only make me bitter. I don't know.

XOXO, GAVI

[Gavriella Spencer]

DEAR JOURNAL

Luke and I are back together! I would have told you sooner, but we've been having too much make-up sex time to catch up.

Ohmygosh! This feels so right. I'm so happy. I love him so much. I'm saying 'so' too much. But I don't care!

I LOVE HIM! And we're together again and life is perfect.

XOXO, GAVI

[Gavriella Spencer]

DEAR JOURNAL

"Cheers to the freakin' weekend, I drink to that" - LOL, kidding, I'll make Frankie drink to that.

XOXO, GAVI