Pete!

[jason]

Hey ass,

Are you dead now? Because you better be due to how silent you have been. What no owls all summer? What am I to you? Rubbish?

You sadden me.

If you are alive I expect proof. Like, a response for instance. That would be good. A naked photo. That would be better. If you are dead....well you can ignore this?

Jason

[Peter Herriot]

Ass? Why are you calling me a donkey, arse?

Funny how you mention that. I said something similar to Lachlan. However, unlike him, there's nobody out for my blood I think So yeah. I think you can assume I'm alive.

Good. You need a bit of saddening. You're like a hyperactive caffeinated squirrel on steroids.

Well, I guess you're holding the proof in your hand by the time this reaches you, so I'm sorry to sadden you, but no photos. If you want though, I could send cookies. I Mum just made them.

XOXO
Peter

[jason]

Because you are one, arse. Happy?

Oh lord. Someone is out to kill him? I feel like I should be more concerned. And thank god. I can't even imagine the horror. Who else would put up with me?

I do not and I am not! That just sounds painful. I feel like if I were that I would kill over and die. Just die. But besides, who would want to make a squirrel sad? Who is that low that they would depress a squirrel? Is that what you do for fun? Steal nuts from squirrels? It is, isn't it? I can just picture the horrible image now. You holding the nut while the poor little squirrel is dying from a broken heart. Congratulations squirrel killer.

Well damn. I was kind of hoping for a picture. You just like crushing dreams don't you? Oh but wait...Cookies? Since when do you have to ask I fucking love cookies.

Jason

PS. Why the XOXO?

[Peter Herriot]

I should be more disappointed that your vision is poor enough to mistake me for a donkey. But I'm just really amused.

A lot of someones, actually. And considering Dom Weasley is one of those someones, I think we better start praying for his life. And yeah. The world would be a much more boring place without my presence.

Yes. Yes you are. Not literally, stupid. And I don't think squirrels can die of broken hearts. What about when other squirrels take their nuts away from them? They must be pretty used to it. And NO, I AM NOT A SQUIRREL KILLER. I haven't even seen a real squirrel up close, ever. And even if I wanted to steal their nuts, WHICH I TOTALLY DON'T, BY THE WAY, those little buggers are too fast.

Well, there you go. Hope you like them, I've been eating them all morning.

Pete

PS: No idea. My sister puts them on every letter she sends so I guess I got used to doing the same.

[jason]

No, my vision is perfect. I could even see clearly before the rain had gone. I just call it how I see it. Also you should be. I'm fucking hilarious.

He has Dom Weasley after him? I could say a prayer for him every night and I still don't think he'll make it out of it alive. But we can hope. Oh and no, sorry wrong alert. That would be me you are talking about. The world will go grey without me in it.

Nope. Totally not. I'm the calmest fucker I know. And I know not literally you donkey! I was just simply stating a fact that it sounded painful and I would die. Yes but see, they can always fight each other for the nuts, you're like the Giant to their Jack and they have no chance. So yes, they die of a broken heart.

Don't deny it. Some squirrel somewhere is lying dead from a broken heart. It's like saying you don't believe in fairies. Take their nuts and they die and I blame you. Besides HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE SEEN A SQUIRREL UP CLOSE? Seriously do you live on Mars? And you do. You are a nut stealer and a squirrel killer.

I just ate half of them in five minutes. Holy cheese puffs these are good.

Jason

PS. Your sister? Does she play tic tac toe a lot?

[Peter Herriot]

FUCK YOU LAWRENCE, FUCK YOU. Have you ever taken a look at yourself in the mirror? No? Well, go do it and then tell me which of us bears more resemblance to an ass.

Yes, he does. We should sacrifice a couple of animals for him or something. Maybe that will help. And no, you're wrong. The world could do without you, but not me. Just saying.

Yeah, keep telling yourself that. Maybe it'll come true if you say it enough times. You being a squirrel wouldn't be painful. Well, okay, it would. Painfully hilarious. And they can always find other nuts. Again, not that I take them.

Yeah, well, maybe another squirrel dumped him. Or hooked up with him and didn't stay for breakfast. Broken hearts can be caused by stuff other than losing your nuts. And I think it's physically impossible to die of a broken heart. HEY DON'T BLAME ME. EVERY TIME I TRY TO THEY RUN AWAY. I don't. I don't even like nuts, for fuck's sake.

Glutton.

Pete

PS: Seriously? You don't know what XOXO means?

[jason]

Just name the time and place and I'm sure I'll be up for it. Of course I have, this is me we are talking about. But I'll go look just for you just to see who really is the donkey. My discovery: still you I'm gorgeous.

That sounds like it might work. You already got a head start on the squirrels though. No really, the world needs me. I'm a fucking ray of sunshine damn it.

I said it five times fast and it came true. Eat that. It would to be painful because I would be so fucking tiny. No, once they set their eyes on the perfect nut it just goes downhill from there.

Pete, breakfast are the nuts. They don't go around cooking bacon, sheesh get it right. It is true that you can die of heartbreak! Have you ever read a Nicolas Sparks novel? And yes, I have because my little sister has them and I get bored. THAT'S BECAUSE YOU PROBABLY RUN AT THEM. You don't have to like nuts to take them. Besides when you run at them, it gives you an opportune chance to take the nuts.

Glutton and proud. Don't hate.

Jason

PS. My sister uses it too every one in a while but do you really think I would ask? Nope.

[Peter Herriot]

Oh yeah, I forgot about your 'deal'. Sorry to break it to you buddy, but.. no. And I think we should ask a third party to judge who's the donkey. Anyone in mind? Though obviously he/she will say it's you.

Nope, squirrels are too small. NOT THAT I'VE KILLED ANY. Maybe something like a pig or a goat. Though I don't know how much it'd help. And you may be a ray of sunshine, but you're bloody blinding. And too hot. That came out wrong.

Oh, ha ha. You and calm, that'll be the day when pigs fly. Disregarding the fact that a Levitation Charm can make them fly, because that would just ruin the metaphor. Come on. There is no such thing as a perfect nut. All nuts are the same.

Not the point. I know that for them, breakfast lunch and dinner are all nuts. It might get a bit boring. Maybe they cook bacon once in a while for a change? And oh my god, that is priceless. YOU READ ROMANCE NOVELS. EVERYONE IS GOING TO HEAR ABOUT THIS. at least I assumed its a romance novel because if it isn't then What's a bloke doing writing romance novels anyway?

Peter

PS: Yeah. I'm not telling you what it stands for.

[jason]

"Deal?" What do you mean by that? Makes it sound like it's a bad thing. And your loss, you are missing out. A third party? I know just the person! Or people. There is always Aggs or Cassie or...There are more just not popping in my head. Oh and trust me, it will not be me they call the ass, ass.

You are not helping yourself at all. Squirrel Killer. A pig or a goat....What are you going on about? Wait, wait, wait. Nope. I am lamenting this letter and putting it on my wall. My looks are blindingly good and I'm too hot. I just got two compliments out of you. And though I already know these things, you know that came out just the way you put it.

I can make pigs fly. Without the levitation charm. So your argument is invalid.

There is too a perfect nut! Every squirrel has a nut they like the best just like when we want a certain cookie because it has more chocolate. Don't doubt the squirrels and their squirrelly needs.

They can't cook bacon! Do you WANT cannibal squirrels running around munching on all who pass by? "Oh look Marge what a lovely day" BOOM killer squirrel. Honestly Pete, squirrels eating bacon is just ridiculous.

DON'T YOU DARE! Knew I shouldn't have mentioned that. Like I said, I get bored okay and they are really heart-wrenching. And a sad bloke?

Jason

PS. Why not? That is just cruel.

[Peter Herriot]

Not a bad thing. Everyone has a deal. Girls, guys, sock puppets, etcetera. But I'm still not up for it. Don't call Aggs, she thinks everyone's sexy. And considering how off-her-rocker Lady Cassandra has been acting, she'd prolly want us to joust or something. She's been talking all medieval nowadays. Why don't you just accept that you're an ass, ASS?

Ohfuck ohfuck ohfuck. That did NOT come out the way it was meant to. See what you make me do, Lawrence? You should be ashamed of yourself, making me say such things. Well you are quite a fine piece of work but I'm damned if I'm telling you that.

Ooh, I know the perfect nut! YOU! Seriously, if someone finds these letters and reads them they might think we're writing to each other from opposite ends of a mental ward. I don't know one other person who thinks so much about the wellbeing of squirrels and whether or not I'm killing them by taking their nuts. Which I'm not. Killing them. Or taking their nuts.

You just gave me an incredibly awesome mental image. Awesome and terrifying. Thank you and METAPHORICALLY fuck you simultaneously. I've heard of killer rabbits. Never squirrels. Maybe we should draw a comic.

WELL, I'm telling everyone anyway. Starting with the next person who writes to me excluding you. And yes. A really really sad bloke with nothing else to live for.

Pete

PS: I just can't. Ask a girl to tell you.
PPS: Were you invited to Rose and Nott's party?

[jason]

Good. Just checking because the way you worded that was off. And I don't think I'm interested in sock puppets...Is there something you aren't telling me? Do you have a sock puppet fetish? And you just don't want me to ask them because you know they'll say your the ass, ass. What do you mean all medieval?

I'm going to take from that freak out you meant it how it sounded. I approve and the letter is on my wall. Just so you know. Dun blame me for being so drop dead gorgeous...Well, you can but I don't mind it. And I'm never ashamed. What did you scratch out? What did you scratch out?

Well...I could go into more detail into how perfect of a nut I am if you catch it. But otherwise I am completely sane, ass. You don't care for the well being of squirrels? That's why you are the squirrel killer. No one should torture poor fluffy squirrels. And yes you are. The more you deny it, the more I believe it.

See? This is what you get for wanting squirrels to cook bacon. Killer squirrels planning their revenge. I'm still taking that the other way because I can. Are you referring to the Monty Python killer bunnies? Because there is a chance that influenced my squirrels idea...

We should! Do you realize how famous we would be? Watch out Spiderman, here comes Squirrelman.

I disapprove. But really, read Walk to Remember and tell me you don't feel sad afterward. And exactly what I thought.

Jason

PS. Fine, I'll ask my sister or Aggs.

PPS. Yeah, well...Aggy invited me as a plus one. Apparently we are going with a pirate theme..You know before she disappears to shag Malfoy. Were you invited?

[Peter Herriot]

I WAS QUOTING A MUGGLE SHOW. I DO NOT HAVE A FETISH FOR SOCK PUPPETS. I like girls. Only. No offense to you. AND FINE. I'M OWLING CASS RIGHT NOW AND ASKING HER WHO'S THE DONKEY. And medieval means that she's referring to me as 'Sir Peter of the House Herriot' and insisting that I call her milady. All that.

Yeah, I still didn't do that intentionally. Just so you know. But take that stupid thing off your wall before I come over and do it myself. Nothing. I didn't scratch out anything important.

You're completely nutters, Lawrence. They should lock you up in Mungo's. Or not, because you're pretty good company. So be grateful I'm not writing to any of the staff. And it's not like I don't care for the well being of squirrels okay? I just leave them to their own business! I don't think about them every moment of the day like you evidently do. And NO. I AM NOT. The only living creatures I've ever killed are mosquitoes. Ever.

Hey, you were the one talking about bacon in the first place. I just expanded on what you said. But killer squirrels would definitely be awesome. They come near you looking so cute and then BAM you're dead before you know it.

First good idea you've had all day! How do you want to go about it?

Go on disapproving. It isn't going to make much of a difference. And I'm laminating the letter in which you admitted to reading romance novels and mounting it on my wall. So I have proof if you try to deny it. I don't know. What's the book about?

Pete

PS: Yes, do that.
PPS: I was. I'm going as Nick Fury. You know, bald, black, badass leader of the Avengers? Ignoring the fact that I'm neither bald nor black.

[jason]

So people on that show have a sock puppet fetish? Really Pete, what shows are you watching? Alright, alright puppet boy. You like girls. But if you think I'm going to stop, you are oh so wrong. I would call her milady. Fun to say. And good, go on and ask her and watch her claim you are the ass, ass. Though, I feel like I should be present for this.

Yes you did. Just admit it and move on, it'll help you. I will NEVER take it down. It's beautiful and it really goes with the theme.

I am not Herriot. But if I'm going to be in Mungos I'll take you with me. But don't they have hot healers there? No you hate squirrels. I really forgot what brought this on, but I'm pretty entertained. I should start a Save The Squirrels foundation. Public enemy number 1: Peter Herriot.

I was just stating that they don't cook it. You wanted them too. So don't put this on me it was all your doing. Though it would be pretty awesome. The would be the comic books best villains now that I think about it. Forget Bane, we have killer squirrels. I'm brilliant, what can I say? And I have good idea all the time what are you talking about? First we need a hero.

So you want me on your wall? I'm honored. Like I said, I got bored! And I can always come and destroy the proof, don't forget that. It's about this chick who is dying from a blood disease and falls in love right before she days and the walk to remember is when she walks down the aisle to her husband.

Jason

PS. Hugs and kisses? Really Pete? Really?

PPS. Epic costume choice. The eyepatch better be perfect. You could totally pull it off...Totally. I'm going as Dread Pirate Roberts because I'm a complete badass.

[Peter Herriot]

UGH. NO. PEOPLE ON THAT SHOW ARE SCIENTISTS. WHO ALSO DO NOT HAVE SOCK PUPPET FETISHES. You should come over and watch it sometime, it's actually quite funny. Not going to stop what? Hitting on me? Because then you'll basically be admitting that I'm worthy of being hit on, which makes me Not An Ass, which makes you the ass. If you want to be present, then fine. We can ask her at the party. Her or Aggs. And it gets irritating a lot faster than you'd expect.

I didn't I didn't I didn't. Now I sound like a whiny seven-year-old girl. The point is I didn't do it intentionally. And I can come to your house and tear it off the wall too. Just so you know. And beautiful? Really? I've been told by more than one teacher that my writing looks like ants crawling across the page.

Okay, yeah I guess they do. One of the Weasleys is a Healer, right? Not the point though. And I already said I'm not putting you in so the point is moot. Okay. This is getting ridiculous. I DO NOT TORMENT OR KILL SQUIRRELS. Though maybe you do and all this accusing business is just a front for your real mass-squirrel-murderer-ness.

Nevertheless I wasn't the one who mentioned the word 'bacon'. And I don't even know why you said they don't cook bacon. I know they don't. I mean if you think of it it's kinda ridiculous. Squirrels (normal ones, not our killer ones) killing pigs and cutting them up? Just... no. And yeah. Better villains than Bane or Loki. Possibly even better than the Joker if we do it really well. And since your good ideas normally make no sense whatsoever, I'm counting this as your first. Hero... I don't know, who? You want to base him on a real person or?

You started it. I'm assuming my letter is already up on your wall, so clearly you want me on your wall more than I do you. And I'm not putting a Permanent Sticking Charm on it. Yet. Once I've shown it to everyone at school I'm going to stick it up on the wall next to your common room door. And there are definitely better things to do when you get bored. Unless you live in a barren wasteland with no other sources of entertainment. No, that's not my type of novel. Definitely not. Wait. You didn't cry while reading it did you?

Pete

PS: It became a habit okay. Girls always want you to stick an XOXO before you sign the letter. Can we forget this happened?

PPS: I heard that there were already people going as the other Avengers, so. Maybe I should invite a plus one and ask her to be Agent Hill. And that's epic. I think you'd pull it off too. Though funnily.. he didn't look quite like a pirate to me.

(OOC: Bay, love, could I pm you about something? Not these two but still..)

[jason]

Whatever you say mate, I'm not judging the weird shows you watch. Is it like that Bill Nye guy? I might take you up on that offer, I'm growing very bored. Pete, I hit on everyone you should know this. Though I have to say you are the more entertaining, ass. That sounds like a plan to me. They will still pick you as the ass, mate. Just accept it. I'm beautiful.

Why yes you do and now that I've recovered from my fit of laughter I can respond that you did. No you can't. That letter is never coming off my wall, it's too precious. It's not the writing that's beautiful it's the words. Once you get past the chicken scratch it brings a tear to your eyes. I'm tearing up right now.

From what I remember there were several. And I think? There are too many I can't keep up. The oldest right? She'll probably agree that you should leave the poor squirrels alone. They have had enough of your nut stealing. Now you are just trying to cover your crimes. I created the Save the Squirrel Foundation. I would never hurt a precious squirrel.

You still took it to the next level. We went through this! Bacon + squirrels= killer squirrels. And also I was just making a point, I didn't think you would take it that seriously! It's hard to be better than the Joker but I believe if we really try, people will shiver at the thought of killer squirrels and we will be RICH.

ALL MY IDEAS ARE GOOD ONES that make perfect sense. The hero should be a chipmunk or something.

But we already knew this Pete, as I am still waiting on that naked picture. Plus this plan just breaks my heart. You want to be known as the Jason Killer as well. Sheesh Pete. First squirrels, then me. Who is you next victim. BUTTERFLIES? Of course I didn't cry...

Jason

PS. Yeah sure. Never letting this go. Because you know you want to hug and kiss me

PPS. You do need an Agent Hill. But who would you ask? Please tell. I think mine will be brilliant, if I do say so myself. And I can just go quoting the movie all night. He does to look like a pirate what is wrong with you!

((Sure love. You can pm me here or on Aidan. It's no problem ^^))