Honor

[Caspian Fleming]

Dearest Sister,

I was at some bar the other night and I saw a blonde girl telling off some dickhead and then pelting him in the face with her purse. I didn't get a good look at her face - was it you?

If it was, well done!

Love,
Ian

[Honor Knightley]

Ian,

Was he wearing a really outdated Hawaiian shirt and corduroy pants that totally didn't match? Because if he was then yes, that was me. I think I may have snapped off one of the buckles on my bag when I did it though which is pretty sad because I love that purse. It cost me like 50 galleons and it took forever to save up for.

Did you see Saoirse all gorgeous the other night? Because that was my doing. She looks so good when she makes an effort to clean up and gets out of those mum jeans.

Love,
Honor

[Caspian Fleming]

Honor,

I think he was, yeah! Ha, ha. What did he do anyway? I mean, besides wearing an ugly outfit. Were you out on a date with him?

Sorry to hear about your purse - but there will be others!

Aw, yeah! I did see her. She looked really great. Thanks for helping her out. She didn't bitch about you, so I'm going to assume that you were extra friendly to her. You probably got a cavity or something, being so sweet.

Love,
Ian

P.S. Saoirse doesn't wear mum jeans! I don't even know what those are, but she doesn't, okay?

[Honor Knightley]

Ian,

I was out on a date with him and we decided to go to the bar after the movie we just saw. He was picking popcorn kernels out of his teeth. How disgusting is that? He also had the nerve to suggest that what I was wearing wasn't revealing enough. What a dickhead.

She really pulled off that dress I put her in. It's nice to see that she can look decent. Piss of, I'm always friendly to Saoirse. She just doesn't appreciate my expert advice on what's not flattering on her that comes from her wardrobe i.e. everything.

Love,
Honor

P.S. Only a person who has taste up their arse would say that.