To Nicholas Eames

[Lavinia Hewer]

Dear Mr. Eames,

I'm not sure you remember me, but I'm Lavinia Hewer - I did a photoshoot for your band maybe a year or so ago? Perhaps a little less.

I need a favor from you - if you agree, of course. My sister's a bit hopeless when it comes to men and dating, so I've been looking to set her up on a date. For some reason or other, you came to mind. I realize that blind dates aren't on everyone's favorites list, but I assure you that my sister is a sweetheart. She also deserves to have a good time, even if nothing ever come of this one small date.

I'd really appreciate it if you said yes. Please reply at your earliest convenience.

Sincerely,
Lavinia Hewer

[Nicholas Eames]

Dear Ms Hewer,

Just call me Eames, love, everybody does. And yes, I remember because I had to make sure that all of the band were there on time - I'm generally the one who deals with us being punctual, I think it comes with being the eldest.

I'll be frank with you, Ms Hewer, I do not usually agree to attend blind dates. Not very much my style, if you get me. However, I'm quite charmed by the fact that I came to mind when you were thinking of someone to set your sister up with and, depending on what age your sister is, of course, and whether or not she'd be willing to meet me for a few drinks, I'll make an exception for this blind date. And I promise you she'll have a good time if she does decide to go - I'll see to that.

Yours sincerely,
Nicholas Eames

[Lavinia Hewer]

Very well, then... Eames,

Thank you for making them punctual. Though if they hadn't been, the cost would have been on you guys, so

I've spoken to my sister and she's willing to go out on this one blind date. She's like you - she isn't fond of them. But I promise you that she's lovely. She's 25 years young. She's completely grounded and level-headed (for the most part), so it's not as if you have to worry about her getting drunk and screaming at the top of her lungs or leaving with another man. She's not like that at all.

Thank you so much for agreeing to do this for me, Eames! It means so much. Do you want her address to contact her personally about a time and place, or should I continue to be the middleman?

Sincerely,
Lavinia

[Nicholas Eames]

Dear Lavinia,

It was my pleasure, one of us has to be punctual and I'm more than willing to take on that role. I'm sorry about how grumpy one of my bandmates was, by the way, and the sheer amount of coffee I was consuming - it was a bit early for us, and we'd been out the night before.

I don't think I've ever gone out with a grounded and level-headed woman before, so this sounds a tiny bit boring like a new experience - being in a band you generally end up with women in bars late at night desperate for you to sign their boobs. Her getting drunk and screaming at the top of her lungs would be quite entertaining but I wouldn't enjoy her leaving with another man so I suppose it's all for the best!

Not a problem, darling. I hope you're well since we last saw you? And whichever one your sister would prefer - I'm honestly not fussed if she'd prefer for us to wait until the actual date. I'd love having her name, though!

Sincerely,
Eames

[Lavinia Hewer]

Dear Eames,

Oh, love, no need to fuss. It's in the past and I can say that I've shared similar experiences.

Unless my sister has been hiding her animal side from me, I'm sure she won't be asking you to sign her boobs. Please don't if she does, though. She's probably not as wild as some of the women you've been out with, but she is capable of having fun. Don't let her fool you.

I am very well, thank you. I've told my sister it's her decision, but I haven't heard back from her yet! I will let you know ASAP. Oh, and I'm terribly sorry - her name is Sylvie.

Sincerely,
Lavinia

[Nicholas Eames]

Dear Lavinia,

Thank you, you're very sweet, and quite a talented photographer - I've researched a bit and I must say you're very good at what you do. Thoroughly honoured to have been photographed by you at all, you made the other goons in the band look quite handsome which must have been a task and a half for you. Please know that you have my sympathy. It mustn't have been easy making the others look good.

That's all right, then - it's quite tricky, signing someone's boobs, and a bit fiddly and awkward. Pointless as well because it'll wash off - unless of course they decide not to shower which isn't hygenic. Or advisable. And I'll try not to be fooled by your sister.

Would she rather I wrote to her first?

Sincerely,
Nicholas Eames