Christian, darling,

[Lidia Fairchild]

Christian, darling,

Did I by any chance leave a pair of black aligator shoes underneath your bed on friday night? I want you to stop what you're doing right now and check underneath the bed. I don't care how important what you're doing is, black aligator shoes are your top priority right now. They were really rather expensive and I'm hoping to wear them tomorrow night and if I don't have those shoes it'll throw the entire outfit off, so you see the dilemma that I am facing.

I know we're all up to our ears in work this weather, but I've been pushing for a holiday soon and if you two do the same I'm sure we can get our time off to align. Paris, perhaps? Or Spain? Probably Spain. I'm thinking we should all head off somewhere sunny and hit the beach.

I stocked your fridge up with groceries while I was there because goodness knows there is no sight worse than an empty fridge, and I was the one who laid out clean clothes for you to wear. As nice as your bum is, nobody's ever going to shag you if you go around smelling disgusting!

Lots of love,
Lidia xx

[Christian Edgington]

Lidia, darling,

I have no idea what black aligator shoes are but there is a pair of shoes under my bed which don't look like they're mine or Martinsson's so I'm guessing they're yours. I'll owl them to you anyway, and if they aren't yours please send them back. DO NOT KEEP THEM IF THEY AREN'T YOURS BUT YOU THINK THEY ARE PRETTY.

Holiday? Like a real, non-assignment holiday? For how long, because I haven't used any of my vacation time for this year. Spain it is, even though we've been there before. Imagine a non business trip.

I thought an extremely nice thief had broken in. Thank you Lidia, that was very uncharacteristically nice of you.

Love you too, crazy,
Chris

[Lidia Fairchild]

Darling Chris,

They were the pair! Remind me not to stay in your apartment next time, I somehow manage to leave without my shoes practically every time I do and it's infuriating having to be nice to you in the hopes that you'll actually send them over. And don't be ridiculous, of course I'd keep them if I just thought they were pretty. It's not like you're going to wear them, you dozy plonker!

Two weeks if I can nag enough. The boss quite likes me - actually I think he's a bit scared of me which is always a plus - so I'm sure I can swing it no trouble whatsoever. You and Martinsson had better get your acts together and do the same so that we can all go together. Although I suppose that you don't have quite the presence I have. Or the body. Or the boobs. Shame.

I resent that you're implying I'm not nice. Most men think I'm fabulous. And you're my best friend so you should think I'm extra-fabulous.

Love you less than you love me,
Lidia

[Christian Edgington]

Darling Lidia,

Good for you. Please, you love my apartment and you and I both know it's much more fun hanging around me then being all by yourself at your place with nothing handsome hanging around you. No, I would prefer you not stealing other people's things from my house? What if somebody else wrote asking for it and I had no answer. Those looked like pretty expensive shoes to lose.

Two weeks! You're amazing you are. Hey, I won't mess it up, just tell the other Chris not to. No, sorry, but I'm not apologizing for having a flat chest.

I am not most men. And most men thing you're body is fabulous. As your best friend, I know you so I'm entitled to think you're not so fabulous.

Love you lesser than you think I really do,
Chris.

[Lidia Fairchild]

Chris, darling,

I wouldn't describe you as handsome. You're vaguely good-looking. Vaguely. A bit cute, actually. Not to be taken seriously under any circumstances and not quite on par with my own beauty but vaguely good-looking. Well, they lost the shoes, didn't they? If they wrote asking you, you could just tell the tart that she must've lost them at some other bloke's house. And anyways, I'm the only woman who's allowed to leave shoes at your house. Honestly. You should know that by now, you daft berk.

I'm very aware of my own amazingness, thank you. And this Prophet job is positively dire, I feel I deserve a break. You should apologize. Your chest is one of the least impressive I have had the misfortune to come across.

I hope you're not implying that my looks are the only thing to me, because if you are I'll bloody well break your nose. My entire being is fabulous. Flawless, even. And you are a terrible best friend. I'm firing you. Martinsson has been promoted to being my only best friend.

But you still love me more than I love you,
Lidia