To Alex Wood

[Brianna McLaggen]

Dear Alex,

My brother is a mean douchenozzle. I don't see how you can stand him. I ruin everything? He's a loser. Ditch his arse and run away while you still can.


Much love,
Brianna

PS. No, I'm not a lesbian.

[Alexandria Wood]

Brianna,

I know he is. He's being a total dick at the moment.

I don't know what happened but I don't care if you got pregnant or whatever. He's being a bitch about it.

I actually quite like you. You're not a douchenozzle like some people. I'll be your friend if you want. Just... don't try and hit on me, okay?

- Alex

P.S. Sure you're not.

[Brianna McLaggen]

Dear Alex,

I'm on my way to burn these letters now because I completely fucking hate my brother because he thinks I'm trying to go after his friends because I don't have any of mine. I've had enough of his shit attitude. If I had my friends over, he'd be complaining that I spend zilch time with him. He needs to fucking get laid. Do him, will you? So he can stop being such a grouch and let me have my peace.

Please don't talk about that

Thanks, lovely. I like you too, in a non-homosexual way. Trust me, there's only one girl I wouldn't mind doing, and that's Aggy Bass - and then that's only as a joke. Calm your tits.


Much love,
Brianna

[Alexandria Wood]

Brianna,

When did I become a guidance counsellor I don't do feelings I'm not fucking Bronson. He's like my brother and I'm not into incest. That'd be like me asking you to shag your brother... wrong, isn't it?

There you go again with the lovelies Because that's not gay at all... see, you're talking about my boobs now. This is weird. I can't be friends with you if you keep calling me lovely and talking about my boobs. Props to anybody who's gay but I'm not really comfortable if I'm friends with somebody who'll hit on me. I like guys.

- Alex

[Brianna McLaggen]

Alex,

Whatever. I don't give a fuck. My brother's shitty mood is fucking contagious.


Bri.