McLaggen,

[Alexandria Wood]

Did you know they're calling you McSlaggen now? Hahahahaha, that's ace. I mean, you're not that much of a slag or whatever but it's pretty funny, you have to admit. I'm allowed to say this after years of 'Wood' jokes and dudes making innuendos about broomsticks. Also, I'm your best friend.

Anyways, douchenozzle, where have you been? Nobody's playing Quidditch with me any more! It's like they're all too afraid to have their arse beaten or whatever... fair enough, I guess. But you should come over soon. I want someone to go swimming with in the waterhole near our house.

- Alex

[Brianna McLaggen]

Dear Alex,

Please send your owl to the right person. There is more than one McLaggen, you know.

I'll pass this letter on to my douchenozzle of a brother ;)


Much love,
Brianna

[Alexandria Wood]

Brianna,

Shit! Sorry, man. I always forget to write which window on the stupid owl.

But thanks! Tell him to hurry up please and send me some motherfucking cookies because I'm hungry.

- Alex

[Brianna McLaggen]

Dear Alex,

It's alright. You should come over, we've missed you around here. I think Briseis doesn't like you much so you're always welcome. At least we won't have to worry about sending cookies.

Really passing this on now. I don't think Brons would like much that I'm intercepting his mail. Sorry, lovely.


Much love,
Brianna

[Bronson McLaggen]

Alex,

Sorry about that. My sister has a tendency to ruin everything. I think it's her goal in life.

Ha ha ha ha, that's so funny. I don't really care what the fuck they're calling me. And you of all people should understand what it feels like, so you shouldn't be laughing. I never made any Wood jokes. But whatevs.

I've been busy, I guess. You haven't been around either! I'm not scared to get my arse beaten - because I won't! So bring it on. Waterhole? Are we animals now?

- Brons

BRONSON LOVES ALEX WOOD

[Alexandria Wood]

Brons,

She didn't ruin anything? She's nice. She wants me to come over for cookies sometimes. She keeps calling me lovely and shit though. She doesn't fancy me, right? It wouldn't be the first time someone's thought I was a lesbian

Piss off. Every time you say 'Morning Wood' you laugh. Besides, I thought you didn't care?

Busy doing what? Don't say homework... please. I've so been around! I've just been too lazy to get out of bed. Haha, dream on, sucker! You know I'll beat your arse any time, any day! I don't know about you but I'm definitely not an animal.

- Alex

OH, WHAT THE HELL, MAN?

[Bronson McLaggen]

Alex,

Yes, she did. You don't have to live with her. I don't want to talk about it because you're going to take her side and I don't feel like dealing with that. No, she fancies boys. Girls can't get pregnant if they fancy girls. She's only calling you lovely because she has no friends and has to try to befriend mine now.

I don't care.

I've just been busy, alright? I'm usually with my dad, at practices and stuff. It's better than being home No, you really won't. I don't know, you're kind of a beast.

- Brons

[Alexandria Wood]

Brons,

Girls can get plenty pregnant if they fancy girls... just because they like girls doesn't mean they can't have a baby. She can be my friend if she stops being girly and gives me cookies. There.

Are you PMSing or something? What the fuck. You're acting like a total dick. Man, just pop some pills or something. I don't even get that bad on my period.

Uh, yes, I really would. Yeah, I'm a beast on the field. That's what makes me fucking awesome.

- Alex

[Bronson McLaggen]

Listen, before I say something I know I'm going to regret, want to just settle our differences in a quick game? You win, I buy you 3 kilos of cookies. I win, you don't mention my sister or my mood for the rest of the summer.

- Brons

[Alexandria Wood]

Fine. You can come over to mine. Our Quidditch Pitch is better than yours. Bring your swimmers as well. Be prepared to lose, sucker!

- Alex

[Bronson McLaggen]

Whatever. I'll be over soon.

- Brons