Baby Cousin / AINSLEY

[Ainsley Rickett]

Pretentious Cousin,

Way to make me sound like some sort of extra who just happens to be related to a lot of people. I'm unimpressed. How is it you charm girls again? Is that a guarantee or something? Because I don't think so. Guys aren't interested in me.

I feel the same way about you, actually.

Okay, sounds like a plan - I likely won't be able to give you too much input on a book titled "Sebastian Nott's Guide to Getting Off With Girls" but I can help you on the technical side of things. Minister of Magic, wow, I hope that's another joke, because that job's mine. Always has been. It practically has my name on it.

Ainsley

P.S. I'm too far gone, dear cousin, I can't be tamed at this point.

[Sebastian Nott]

Baby Cousin,

Well, you sort of are, aren't you? I don't need to charm girls. I just give them my smouldering look and their knickers come off. It's quite the talent. It's a guarantee. Teenage guys aren't very particular, you knob. You'll do for them.

Fuck you.

The technical side of things? Alright, okay, why not. We'll make a great team, no doubt about it. And ha. That's funny. Sorry, Ains, I'm going to be Minister of Magic. But you can always come and fetch me coffee in the mornings? That'd be a privilege.

Seb.

P.S. You're a wild one.

[Ainsley Rickett]

Pretentious Cousin,

No, that's not what I am. In case you haven't noticed, I'm an individual that isn't defined entirely by all my cousins. I'm just going cease responding to these comments unless you stop making me sound like some sort of object or prize that boys can win over. Oh, and I'll "do" for them? Fuck you, too, because I'm not some stop along the way, I'm a destination. Respect, Nott, respect. You might not have heard of it before but it's quite an important virtue to possess.

SAME.

I might have better things to do by then though, so don't feel too disappointed if I have to reject a partnership with you. Stop kidding yourself. I'm more equipped for that job then you would ever be in a million years. I'd rather jump off the nearest bridge than have a job fetching you - or anyone else like you - coffee in the mornings to make a living. No offense, though. It's just the principle of the thing.

Ainsley

P.S. Tell me something I don't know.

[Sebastian Nott]

Baby Cousin,

Alright, alright! Chill, would you? You're far too easily wound up. Well, I may be making you sound like a prize or an object, but you're making yourself sound like a dildo saying words like "cease" in normal conversation. All I'm saying is, it's a fact of life; most teenage guys aren't all that particular. And don't you get all sassy calling me by my second name, Rickett.

Whatever.

Please. Nothing could be better than a partnership with me. And sorry, but I'd be an excellent Minister. I'm ridiculously intelligent, I'm handsome, I'm likable, I'm a born leader, I'm charming, and I can smoulder girls right out of their knickers. I'm perfect. And just you wait. When I'm Minister every girl in the Wizarding World will be gagging to fetch me coffee! I'm only trying to provide my ickle baby cousin with a job.

Seb.

[Ainsley Rickett]

Pretentious Cousin,

I'm really not, but you can't expect me to not say anything at all when you say something that pisses me off. Save it. Well then that gives you a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why I'm currently not with any teenage guy, doesn't it? I'm not a piece of property. I'll get sassy about it if I want to.

Get over yourself. You might think you're all of those things, but when it comes down to it, it's popular opinion of the public that matters in a job like that, and I can tell you right now that the majority of people I know wouldn't call you likable or a born leader. Being popular in school doesn't mean you'll be successful later in life, just in case you hadn't gotten that memo. Keep your coffee job for someone else, too - I can do way better on my own. Don't need you to "help me out" like you're trying to so condescendingly. I'm perfectly capable of getting a much better job without the assistance of you or anyone else.

Ainsley

[Sebastian Nott]

Baby Cousin,

Back the fuck up, chill the fuck out. I could argue back all I wanted to but I won't, being the lovely older cousin I am. And there's no point arguing with you, either, it's like arguing with a brick wall. I'm terribly, terribly sorry for suggesting that teenage boys would ever want to go near you! I see your point now. They probably run scared from you all the time. Silly of me to suggest otherwise.

And of course you will never, ever serve me coffee in later life. I'm going to ignore your insults because they're the usual ones I get - please do try and become more original with insults next time - and can we please move on from the subject? Like I said, you're way too easily wound up. Just chill, okay?

Seb.

[Ainsley Rickett]

Pretentious Cousin,

Maybe I'm not too easily wound up - maybe you're just a misogynistic arse who thinks he's better than everyone else when he's really not. Have you ever considered that?

Ainsley

[Sebastian Nott]

Baby Cousin,

Maybe I really am better than everybody else. Have you ever considered that?

Seb.

[Ainsley Rickett]

Pretentious Cousin,

No, I really haven't, you know, other than the five thousand times you've reminded me of it every time you've gotten a chance.

Ainsley

[Sebastian Nott]

Baby Cousin,

Truce?

Seb.

[Ainsley Rickett]

Pretentious Cousin,

Okay. But only because you're my favorite one of the better cousins I have. That doesn't necessarily mean that you're the best, but you get me.

Ainsley

[Sebastian Nott]

Baby Cousin,

Ahaaa, I knew you love me! Don't you deny it, now. I'm the best cousin ever.

Seb.

[Ainsley Rickett]

Pretentious Cousin,

I love you, but that still doesn't mean that you're the best.

Ainsley