Princess Pucey {EDEN}

[Danni Oberlin]

Nate,

You're really the most peculiar person. You tell me only a few weeks ago that reputation is key and you need to be different from everyone else, a carrot not a pea, etcetera etcetera, and then you start lecturing me on what normal people do. Of course love exists, you're just choosing to ignore it, like I am. A book? Never even heard of it. Silly name. I try to get him not to smoke, I make sure he eats healthily, I tell him off if he's too grumpy, I make sure everything's in order for him.

Not to me they don't. You enchant me in a different way from charming me. I'm enchanted by the fact that you need to swear and talk tough in order not to feel vulnerable. And I probably wouldn't like sex. Did you?

I apologised as well, I'll have you remember! Don't let's argue, please. Let's just call a truce. And of course I am, how else am I supposed to get a tan?

Eden.

P.S. Oh, well. It was nice while it lasted.

P.P.S. I'm not quite sure. Would you snog a boy you were attracted to?

[Nate Pritchard]

Eden,

I was a bit high when I was talking to you. That's my excuse. Actually, no, man. You're right. You don't have to like sand if you don't want to but it's just a bit weird that you don't. Mostly because sand is somebody's childhood. Besides, you ruined that carrot/pea metaphor for me. Now I just think of you spewing up carrots and end up laughing half-way through. It's a really stupid name, isn't it? If taking care of him means nagging then you're doing a top job of that.

Okay, then if you can create different meanings for words then I can make up words. I don't feel vulnerable and my swearing and talking tough is just the way I am. Love me or leave me. You don't think you would like sex? You are such a painful virgin. I bet you've never gone so far as snogging. Of course I liked sex. So did she, for the record. So do a lot of other people I've been with.

Whatever. Okay, fine. Truce is called. Whatever. Go to the beach. Wait, since you're all fussy, I bet you care about tan lines. So does that mean you sun bake without clothes on sometimes?

- Nate

P.S. Yeah, man, whatever. I'm not into dudes but if I was then I wouldn't see the problem. You'd get shagged all the time, I'd bet. Two guys in a relationship would be lots of sex since it's double the horniness.

[Danni Oberlin]

Nate,

It's not good, getting high. You shouldn't do it. And sand was never my childhood - my childhood was designer shops and social gatherings and it was absolutely superb and not in the slightest bit sandy. Vegetable metaphors are never particularly fun. Chocolate metaphors are far better. Of course it is - like I said, grey only has one shade. It physically hurts when people try to be clever like that. Fifty shades of grey indeed! And sometimes you have to nag people in order to save them from themselves. They'll be cross, but it helps in the long run.

Seeing as we've called a truce, I'm going to ignore the vast majority of what you've said. And I can get a tan in my garden as well as I can get a tan on the beach, obviously. It's hardly sunnier at the beach. And I'd never try and get a tan without any clothes on, I do live in a house with four other people and two house elves! Mum would be scandalised by the very thought.

Eden.

P.S. Well, if I was attracted to a girl, I would kiss her. But I'm not.

[Nate Pritchard]

Eden,

It's fun though and quite fantastic. Not that you'd know. Your childhood sounds really boring actually. Mine was running around and climbing up trees and clobbering my sister over the head with toys and riding a bike around the neighbourhood. Wait, grey can have a couple of shades, right? Because there's light grey and medium grey and dark grey. You like clothes so you should know this. Nagging is still nagging and it's annoying.

You just don't want to talk about sex because you know I'm right and you're probably blushing. I bet you'd enjoy it if you were with the right person. No, but getting a tan at the beach is nicer because you can swim. So what do you do about those tan lines then, Princess?

- Nate

P.S. Makes sense. So out of curiosity, who have you kissed? Anybody in Hogwarts?

[Danni Oberlin]

Nate,

Of course I don't know, and I have no intention of finding out, thank you very much. My childhood was absolutely fantastic, and yours sounds absolutely dire! I did play a lot of Quidditch with Daddy, though. He didn't think I'd be any good but he was sorely mistaken. He used to be on the team back when he was younger, in Hogwarts. Grey is grey. Nagging has to be done.

I don't blush, it's not attractive. I assure you that someday I will enjoy sex with the right person, but, like getting high, I have no intention doing it now. Nobody worth it, you see. And you can just swim in a pool, obviously. I barely tan, so I don't get tan lines! I always stay pale as pale can be. Maddening.

Eden.

P.S. I thought I'd made myself clear about the fact that I don't find anyone worth it in Hogwarts?

[Nate Pritchard]

Eden,

You're missing out on a whole other world if you don't try it at least once in your life time. My childhood was actually great. I loved every minute of it. When I was drawing, I was outside with my sister and my cousins and it was pretty fucking awesome. You play Quidditch? Are you on the house team? I don't really care about Quidditch or organised sports really. I'm pretty shit at them

Everybody blushes whether they can help it or not. You're not going to have sex any time soon? You're missing out then. Just like you are with not snogging me. So what happens when you sunbathe then? Nothing? Some people can't afford a pool, Pucey.

- Nate

P.S. Didn't you say you wouldn't have sex with anybody in Hogwarts? You never said you wouldn't snog them. So... who have you snogged then?