Lorcan

[Shay Thomas]

Lorcan, my favorite guy ever, how are you? I'm just writing as a complete courtesy to inform you that you and I will be going out for drinks, and soon. No exceptions. We need to catch up, and alcohol is always a welcome plus in such a situation.

Love,
Shay xxx

[Lorcan Scamander]

Wait, we're going?

How long has this been in the works? I didn't mean to forget about it. I swear. I probably wrote it on my hand and then washed it off. I'm sorry! Don't be mad at me. My memory sucks. It's better than some people's, but it still sucks.

So where were we going? And drinking . . . did I previously agree to drinking? I can't remember.

Also, may I ask you a hypothetical question about myself and the female population? Dominique is kind of confusing me. That and she's yelling, too. Plus, Lachlan is a tosser. You shouldn't talk to him any more.


Love,
Lorcan
xxxx


PS: Misfit says hello!

[Shay Thomas]

Yes, we're going. Don't fret, though, because I never told you about it earlier. In fact, I just came up with this plan all of two seconds before I wrote to you to inform you of it. So stop worrying, you haven't forgotten anything!

Anywhere you'd like! Maybe The Three Broomsticks or something? We can legally drink now, you know. And can we pretend like you previously agreed to drinking? Yes, good.

I'll let you ask me the question if you stop bullshitting and calling it a "hypothetical" question when obviously it's not hypothetical in the least. Well, that's because Dominique is generally confusing.

Have you and Lachlan gotten yourselves into another one of your little bitch fights? That's no reason for me to stop talking to him. He's always been really lovely to me. And before you say it, no, it wasn't because he wanted to get into my pants, because I made it clear to him a long time ago that he wouldn't ever be successful with that.

Love,
Shay xxx

P.S. Tell Misfit I say hello right back! Sometimes I think you love that cat more than you love people.

[Lorcan Scamander]

Don't do things like that to me. I can't remember stuff, ever, but you're not making it any better. I nearly died of fright thinking we'd set some elaborate plan in motion and thus - in my fashion - i forgot. I feel better now, though, knowing that i haven't.

Oh! The Three Broomsticks, I can say hi to Grace! I haven't seen her in a bit. So did I agree to drinking or not?

Do you think girls want to sleep with me?

But that doesn't mean that he's listened. He probably thinks that you're a challenge. And I'm not in a bitch fight with him, but he insulted Misfit. NO ONE INSULTS MISFIT.

Love,
Lorcan
xxxx


PS: Misfit isn't just a cat, Shay. She's family.

[Shay Thomas]

You nearly died of fright? I'm worried about you, Lorcan! Even if you'd forgotten about some plans that we'd made it wouldn't be that big of a deal. You know I wouldn't freak out over something that minor.

No, you didn't agree to drinking, but that means you can agree right now! Alright? Done. (:

Which girls? I feel like I'm not the proper person to ask because I don't really see you like that. I mean, you're attractive, but you're also one of my best friends, so I wouldn't fool around with you. But that being said, you are attractive, not to mention quite sweet, so I don't get why someone wouldn't want to sleep with you. It depends on the girl, really. You can't expect me to make a generalization of the entire female population based on only what I think.

Okay, well if he thinks that, then let him think that. It won't change the way I feel. Besides, I can take care of myself, don't worry. Aw shit, he probably went too far by insulting Misfit. Hasn't anyone ever told him that you just can't do that when it comes to you?

Love,
Shay xxx

P.S. Oh, okay. I hadn't even thought about it that way. But if you say so.

[Lorcan Scamander]

But it only proves to serve that my memory is shit. Which isn't good! What if I forget my name eventually? What will become of me then? I'll probably end up in St. Mungos. Your best friend will be in St. Mungos! What is this?

But I don't like to drink, I can be fun without drinking! I suppose I can drink just a bit.

There is no specific girl right now, I'm just trying to prove that Lachlan is an idiot, that's all. But thank you, Shay. You're very pretty as well. And your thoughts count so much that although I won't make the assumption that they are on par with the rest of the female populations, I know that they are genuine! This is why we're friends. You're such a good person!

I'VE TOLD HIM SO MANY TIMES, SHAY. I CAN'T BELIEVE HE DID THAT! I couldn't even believe it myself. MISFIT, MY MISFIT. I can't believe it. Those words would have hurt her feelings so badly.

Love,
Lorcan
xxxx


PS: I do say so. She loves me unconditionally, which is why she's great. Mum says that all animals are great for that reason - of course they're great for a lot of other reasons, too.

[Shay Thomas]

I think you're smart enough not to forget your name one day, of all things. Stop being so tough on yourself! Just because your memory is shitty doesn't mean that you're a total idiot. There's still hope for you, I think. If you're ever in St. Mungo's, it'll probably be because you've accidentally landed yourself a job opportunity there.

Psh, you're never fun unless you're a little tipsy. Okay, so that might be a lie, but still. Drinks. You. And. Me. Yes. Done. No further questions on that matter.

I'm pretty sure there's plenty of other ways you could prove that Lachlan is an idiot. You're welcome, though, you're too lovely! It's so nice to hear that you value my opinion that much.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW? Hopefully nothing drastic. I know you adore Misfit, so how are you getting back at Lachlan for this one? You're right. She was probably devastated.

Love,
Shay xxx

P.S. Be more cute. I dare you.