David Fell

[Shay Thomas]

Dearest David,

I recognize that you probably have little to no idea who I am and therefore may feel a bit awkward receiving a letter from someone who you believe is a complete stranger - so allow me to properly introduce myself. My name is Shay Thomas, I'm seventeen, and Brigid - Brigid Finnigan, of course [fingers crossed that she's the only Brigid you know] - happens to be one of my very good friends. She's almost like a cousin to me - same goes for all her siblings. The Finnigan and Thomas families go way back - our fathers happen to be extremely good mates. It's lovely, really.

Alright, so before I begin to bore you [and myself] with bland old introductions, I'll get right into why I'm writing to you at the moment. See, the thing is, David, I really adore Brigid - she's a total babe, let's be honest - but I think she can be a bit daft at times. I've heard countless stories from her about you and I can't help but wonder why it is that you two are only friends. It may be rather forward of me to ask this outright, but seriously, do you fancy her? I believe you two could be a brilliant couple, regardless of the fact that I have no idea what you look like, exactly. The children would be cute. Just take my word for it.

Hope to hear back from you soon!

Love,
Shay xxx

[David Fell]

Shay,

Sorry I've taken so long to reply - work and sleep have sort of taken over my life and I misplaced this and didn't have time to find it until now! It was on the shelf in the bathroom by the way, if you're wondering, beside the toothpaste. Seeing as you're doing an introduction, I suppose I'd best give one too - I'm David Fell, I'm nineteen, I'm a healer, I have two cats and I haven't had sex in over sixth months.

I'm really sorry to disappoint, but I don't fancy her. It's not like I consider her a guy, or anything, it's just we've got something of a pact. We're going to be spinsters together forever. We're sort of destined to be together as platonic life partners until the day we die because we both have cats and she'll probably never settle down because, let's face it, she's mental, and I'll never settle down because I'm me. If my feelings ever change, though, and I decide to propose or something, you'll be the first to know!

Yours faithfully,
David.

ps. - I think my cousin Vera is in your year?

[Shay Thomas]

David,

That’s totally alright! I knew you would reply eventually. Or I hoped that you would What kind of toothpaste do you use? I think you can tell a lot about a person from how much they take care of their teeth. Oh, and I won’t judge you for not having had sex in over six months – I’m seventeen and I’m a virgin, and I have no problem sharing that information or anything. Fingers crossed that you don’t find that weird, because I think we could be good friends!

Alright, well, I was anticipating a response like that from you, so I’m not too disappointed – actually, I was anticipating something more along the lines of “No, we’re just friends” but you went ahead and came out as the spinster type. That’s cool, very cool. I’ll have to disagree with you on one point, though – I think Brigid’s quite attractive, which I have no trouble admitting although I’m straight, so I’m sure guys find her attractive as well. Just because you don’t doesn’t mean that someone else doesn’t! It’s your loss. Are you sure you don’t fancy her at all? I mean, maybe you’re just in denial. That happens sometimes.

Love,
Shay xxx

P.S. Yes, she is! She’s one of my dorm-mates, actually, and I love her. She’s brilliant. A bit quiet sometimes, but we get along just fine. I didn’t know that you two were cousins! What a small world.