Cassandra Lewis

[Lachlan Creevey]

CASSANDRA,

I'm deeply upset with you, alright. I just needed to make that extremely clear from the get-go so you wouldn't get any strange ideas about the intentions behind this letter most of which are that I MISS YOU DAMMIT. My main issue is that I'm completely disgusted at the lack of communication that we've had with each other these past few months for whatever reason, but we really need to do something to fix it. Like, pronto.

If you have plans to hang out with Potter or Nott sometime soon, cancel on them. That's it, that's the solution. Cancel them and come chill with me because I know and you know and the whole world knows that I'm your favorite ever.

Love,
Lachlan

[Cassie Lewis]

LACHLAN,

You really need to do something about your name, man. It doesn't sound nearly as impressive as mine.

It's a shame that you're upset with me because I'VE MISSED YOU and if you're upset with me, I'm just going to have to miss you for the rest of my life and shit. Or, y'know, we could try communicate. I hear that communication is key to loads of stuff, so. Congratulations, Sir Lachlan of the House Creevey, you've got a winning idea! But, yes, I'm disgusted with it too. We're both slack people. Except you owled me and I actually thought about doing housework in boredom out of the goodness of my heart, so you're less slack but I'm a lovely person so that makes up for my slackness. XOXO

Awh, but we were going to fly away to Egypt and have a threesome for our joint honeymoon! Holy fuck, that's the scariest thing I've ever written IN MY LIFE Fiiiiine, I guess I can skip out on the threesome and chill out with you. They'll be so disappointed, but I expect they'll still have fun. I don't know, man, I think Hawthorne's my favourite. He's pretty fucking gorgeous. You don't know what you're missing when you skip his classes, man. YOU CAN BE MY FAVOURITE AGAIN WHEN I'M YOUR FAVOURITE.

Love,
Cassie XOXOXOXOXOXO

[Lachlan Creevey]

CASSANDRA,

You’ll have to discuss that with my father, I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do about the matter of my name at this point seventeen years later...

I’VE MISSED YOU TOO. I’m not really that upset with you, I was just messing around. You’re like, my best friend and shit. Also, Sir Lachlan of the House Creevey? What have you been smoking lately, and will you share?

Please don’t ever mention the word “threesome” ever again when Potter and Nott are concerned. Please. Don’t. EVER. AGAIN. The very thought of it is ruining my mental state of mind, not that I’m not fucked up enough already.

Will you ever shut up about Hawthorne? You’re wasting precious time here. His classes are the worst thing in existence. Besides, I heard that his hair is greying these days because of the stress that girls like you who should really be locked up in an insane asylum cause him. I bet you stalk him and I bet he has a girlfriend or something. Does that not make you slightly uncomfortable? Considering what I know of you, it probably doesn't. But I thought I should ask anyways for the good of humanity.

I WAS ALWAYS YOUR FAVORITE. YOU ONLY EVER HAD ONE FAVORITE. THIS IS NOT UP FOR DEBATE.

Love,
Lachlan

[Cassie Lewis]

LACHLAN,

Hmph. Perhaps I shall - just casually drop by, and ask him what his intentions were when naming you - as in, did he mean for it to be so unimpressive? Though, mine is quite impressive, so I can't really blame your name for being a bit of a wallflower - and check out Mufasa. Is that actually his her its his real name? I quite liked it.

GOOD, BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE REALLY AWKWARD IF YOU HADN'T. Awh, my heart is restored back to its real place, as opposed to being in my throat. LOVING THE ELOQUENCE, BRO. No, seriously, yeah, sentiment is returned. Best friends and shit forever xoxox. Well, I thought you might enjoy being a knight. I actually tried some weed the other day, because Mum had some (don't even ask - I stopped listening after she told me about how beautiful the kangaroos were - I swear, the woman is obsessed.) - I failed at it, sadly. Inhaling it didn't work. I started choking on it and Caly attacked me with a hose as if that would help. Sisters are great.

Would it help if I said it was Lorcan, yourself and Jam Potter? The fuckwit seeker one with the dumb hair, that is. YEAH, WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR FUCKED-UP-NESS. I hear therapy helps. Not too convinced of that, though. I suggest parachuting.

Nope. Never. EVER. His classes are not the worst things ever - if you tune out the fact that he's talking, and ignore the fact that he wants you to listen, its totally fine! Awh, I'm so flattered that we have so much effect on his body! JOKING. kind of I do not stalk him, I leave that for Eva and Chloe and Aggy and the stalking types... which I am not, let us clarify now. I bet his girlfriend's gorgeous. It would be pretty fucking legit if she was like, a one-eyed old crone, though - that'd have to be some serious love for that to work. Do you reckon you could pull girls if you were old with only one eye? The good of humanity wouldn't want me to feel uncomfortable, it wants me to feel free to be myself. Obviously. Do you not listen to the self-help people who say to love yourself and be yourself? Honestly. NOT GOOD ENOUGH, LACH.

NUH-UH. LORCAN WAS MY FAVOURITE TOO. AND HEWER AND HAWTHORNE AND DO YOU WANT ME TO GO ON? XX

Love,
Cassie XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

P.S. Where the fuck are your hugs and kisses for me, man? NOT IMPRESSED.

[Lachlan Creevey]

CASSANDRA,

Merlin, everyone’s using me to check out Mufasa. I should make a list of people who’ve said they’re coming over to see Mufasa and as an after thought they add that they could hang out with me too, if I wanted. Let’s see... you, Roxanne, Lorcan and Dominique have said nearly that exact thing so far. Gorgeous. BUT YES, MUFASA IS HIS REAL NAME! What do you take me for, a liar?

You da best, bro. You’re literally the light of my life. My sun and stars. All of that jazz. You probably know how those types of lines go better than I do, you silly, overdramatic bitch. Aw shit, your first experience with weed!!! EXCLAMATION!!!!! I wish I could’ve been there to hold your hand and usher you quietly into the world of adulthood. Are you still high? Oh wait, I needed to take a second to remind myself that you never got high in the first place. How typical of you. I’ll attain some illegal substances for the next time we chill and you can try them properly, okay? My experience matched with your insanity will make for a mighty fine time. And only after re-reading that sentence have I realized that it sounds really sexual, but I’m too lazy to cross it out now so deal with it, show it to my good mate Jamie Potter if you’d like because he happens to be your ever so threatening boyfriend, etc. etc.

Why do you think it would matter to me if Lorcan was in the threesome? Parachuting, okay, I could get into that. I’ll be at yours in ten and I’m expecting you to have the parachutes ready when I get there.

Hawthorne is a twat. That’s all I have to say. He’s got that Slytherin bias thing going on and he thinks no one knows that he’s doing it but he has yet to discover that I’M ON TO HIM. I’VE GOT HIS INTENTIONS ALL FIGURED OUT. Please, I could pull girls if I was old and had no eyes at all. I need to stop saying things that don’t make sense

GROSS. THEY’RE ALL GROSS. ALL OF THEM. ALL THREE. GO AWAY. XOXOX.

Love love love,
Lachlan

P.S. I’ll give them to you in person when I get smashed at Rose and Seb’s party at Rose and Seb’s party. Fingers crossed that you got invited, because if you didn’t then this is going to be sooooooo awkward.