BEN

[Eva Faraday]

Ben,

That little bitch Dom told me she wrote you.

Tell her you're gay. I don't want her talking to you.

Love,
Eva

[Ben Faraday]

Dear Eva,

Yeah, your friend did write to me. She's a bit odd and she seems to have an extensive vocabulary, but I think she's nice otherwise.

But... I'm not gay? I don't understand why you'd want me to do that.

From Ben

[Eva Faraday]

Dominique Weasley is not nice! She's a scum-sucking road whore!

And she's going to rape you.

Love,
Eva


((ooc: i couldn't resist using a means girls quote! xD ))

[Ben Faraday]

Dear Eva,

Okay, so I lied - you also seem to have quite an extensive vocabulary. What's a road whore, by the way? Would that involve whoring yourself out in the middle of the road? I just can't keep up with these kinds of terms anymore.

No she's not! She doesn't even know where I live.

From Ben

[Eva Faraday]

Ben,

A road whore is It doesn't matter what a road whore is! Just know that Dom is one! Is the concept that difficult to grasp?

YES SHE IS. SHE WILL FIND YOU.

Love,
Eva

[Ben Faraday]

Dear Eva,

Wait, so it's a bad thing? Are you insulting your own best friend?

ARE YOU THREATENING ME LIKE IS THAT A THREAT OR?

From Ben

[Eva Faraday]

Yes, I'm insulting my best friend. Are you telling me that in your correspondence with her she hasn't one negative thing about me? Because, if she hasn't, she may have a brain tumor.

WHY ARE YOU YELLING? WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!

And no, I'm not threatening you. I only speak the truth, dear brother. Dom's a stalker in case you hadn't noticed.

Love,
Eva

[Ben Faraday]

No, she definitely has - she's said way worse things about you, actually, which we should probably talk about... I know she was joking about some of it most of it, though.

I'M NOT YELLING, I'M MERELY WRITING IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE, CONSIDERING THE MEDIUM OF COMMUNICATION HERE IS WRITING.

Does that mean she stalks you too? I don't even understand why she's suddenly so interested in me. She said something about you shagging her little brother (which I'm sure isn't true) and wanting to shag me in order to get back at you, but that honestly doesn't make much sense to me. Oh, and something about me having a nice arse. It's all very strange, really. I can see where you're coming from with the "stalker" vibe. She's a colorful character.

From Ben

P.S. Do you want to hang out tomorrow? I have the day off work...

[Eva Faraday]

What sort of stuff did that wench say about me? Talk about it? What the fuck did she tell you?!

I AM IMAGINING YOU YELLING AT ME AND IT'S VERY OUT OF CHARACTER FOR YOU TO DO SO.

Ew, Louis? Ha ha, yeah right. She's a dumb slut, Ben, don't listen to anything she says. Dom's obsessed with asses because she is one. To her, it's like looking into a mirror. And colorful doesn't even begin to describe her.

Love,
Eva

P.S. Do you really have to ask?

[Ben Faraday]

Well, she did mention something along the lines of you and two boys by the name of Creevey and Nott and their respective dicks. That in itself is slightly alarming. Oh, and that you take boys up to your dormitory all the time to shag. You don't though right Don't worry, I won't tell dad.

RIGHT RIGHT THAT MAKES SENSE, I'LL STOP NOW.

Is that her little brother's name? Yeah, him. Is she really a dumb slut? She told me she was pure and virginal, but I'm sure that's questionable because she propositioned me at least ten times in the span of a few letters and I'm six years older than her...

From Ben

P.S. Awesome, I'll come over around noon-ish to pick you up?

[Eva Faraday]

OH MY GOD. MY EYES. THEY'RE BLEEDING. You said - wrote, whatever - dicks. Oh my god, how did this happen? What happened to you, Ben? Dom's already corrupted you!

Anyway. Ha. Creevey, nah. I just like to flirt with him is all, and sit on his lap because it's funny to give him a hard-on, and then walk away. Nott, well... I admit, I'd ride him so fucking hard he'd feel like his dick would fall off. But I haven't. And I don't take boys up to my dorm, Ben. I'm offended that you believed that cumguzzling bitch.

Yes, Louis is her little brother. Yes, Dom is a dumb slut. Maybe her vage is pure and virginal, but her mouth sure isn't. Age doesn't matter to her, Ben.

Love,
Eva

P.S. How about no? Come by 10ish?

[Ben Faraday]

Calm down, Eva! Nothing's happened to me, I promise. Dominique hasn't affected me in any way whatsoever, except for me questioning when and where she's checked out my arse in the past. I'm feeling a little self-conscious. Does she not have a boyfriend or something?

Okay, Merlin, I didn't need to know any of that. Out of curiosity, what are Creevey and Nott's first names? Technically I'm obligated as your big brother to ask you about them. But please, spare me the details next time, okay? Also, that's funny, because Dominique called you a cumguzzling bitch as well. Maybe you two are a lot more alike than I thought.

I'm pretending like you didn't just use the term "vage" so I can proceed with my life without worrying about you too much.

From Ben

P.S. Whoa, picky. See you then!

[Eva Faraday]

I don't believe you. You've never used such language around me before. Dom, a boyfriend? Dom might as well be a boy herself; she needs a girlfriend. But, no, she has no significant other that I know of. If you don't count the thing with the battery, that is....

Hey, you brought it up! I was just telling you that I have no slept with either of them. If I give you their names, what are you going to do? If you're going to contact them, I will never speak to you again. She did, did she? Ugh, she's so infuriating!

I'm a girl, Ben. Get over it.

Love,
Eva

P.S. Can't wait!

[Ben Faraday]

You're the one who always goes on about wanting to be treated like a grown up. I'm starting that treatment now at least a little bit. You should get used to it! That you know of? Wow, that sounds promising. Alright, I'll take your word for it.

Yeah, and fingers crossed that you haven't slept with anyone yet. You're still young, okay? You have tons of time to shag whoever you want after the age of like, thirty. Just graduate Hogwarts first, then we'll talk about it. I won't contact them! I might just, you know, casually check into who they both are and where they're going with their lives and anonymously write libel about them in the Prophet and the like. Don't even worry about it, just give me their names. And yeah, she did. Where do you guys come up with stuff like "cumguzzling"? Do you not have studying to do in your spare time or something when you're at school rather than come up with things like that?

I realize that. But I still won't get over it.

From Ben

P.S. Love you!

[Eva Faraday]

Way to spring it on me! I meant stuff like drinking wine and whisky and beer without having to hide it any judgement. OH WAIT! I am an adult now, ha! We're so going to lunch at a place where I can enjoy my first legal beer. Well, like you said, Dom is a colorful person. She could have a boy - or a few - that I don't know about.

I can't believe we're having this discussion. Why am I doing this to myself?

Ben, I'm a virgin, okay? But, um, I'm not waiting until after I'm 30 to have sex. You're dreaming. And you're also dreaming if you think I'm going to give you the names of Creevey and Nott - and don't you dare ask Dom! You'll be the biggest backstabbing traitor brother ever.

We just invent stuff throughout the day. You know, passing each other in the corridors, arguing in the Great Hall, bitching each other out in the common room. That sort of stuff. We study, don't worry. Er, wait, I study. Dom just sits there like a baboon.

You're going to be one of those guys who refuses to go down on his girlfriend, huh?

Love,
Eva

P.S. I know you do!