Eva

[Dominique Weasley]

You Manky, Rotten, Disgusting, SLUT,

Why haven't you written to me?! Why haven't you gotten your skinny arse down to mine?! We said we were going to have a good time this summer because we've got exams next year (ha!) and yet you don't even bother to contact your gorgeous best friend?!

So disgusted by your shocking behaviour that I'm not even sure I want you as a best friend anymore. I'll just take Cass instead. Or Rose. I'll steal Rose from Chloe! Or I'll steal Chloe from Rose. Or I'll force Lysander to be my best mate. I bet none of them will take having such an excellent best mate as me for granted. Anyways, if me and Cass still want to be the three musketeers we'll need one more person. I suppose we could hold auditions.

Tell your brother I say hi. And tell him I think he has a truly remarkable bum.

Dom.

[Eva Faraday]

You grimy squalid repulsive SKANK,

I'm sorry I haven't had the time to write you whilst I was on my deathbed. But it's okay, now I know you care about me as much as I do about you. Now, go scamper off and cry in a corner, will you?

If you hold auditions to replace me, you can bet your arse that I'll be there and I can personally guarantee that I'll be a fucking knockout, bitch.

My brother doesn't want to talk to you. Go away.

LOVE,
Eva

[Dominique Weasley]

You smelly, extrarepulsive, despicable WHORE,

Deathbed? Please. You big fat wimp! What, did you have the sniffles or something? Are you three? You can rest when you're actually dead. We have an entire summer to get through and I want to be drunk for the vast majority of it. Stop being such a pussy and man up. Excuses are for wimps.

You will not. I'll train Lysander to be a better Eva than you are. I'll teach him how to walk in heels. He'll be a fearless bitch like no other fearless bitch! Or I'll get Lachlan instead. He's enough of a girl to fit in with me and Cass. I've got more balls than him for sure.

Me and your brother don't have to talk. Me and your brother can do lots of other things.

Dom.

[Eva Faraday]

Dear skankyass nasty bitch,

I didn't have the sniffles, whore. For your information, I passed out (backstage) at a show because I was dehydrated. (In case you forgot, I actually have something to do with my life.) My parents overreacted, and put me in the hospital and I was hooked up to all these cords and IVs and such. So shut the fuck up. It wasn't my choice. Then they made me "take it easy", which is complete bullshit. But that's not the point.

The point is that you're blaming me for not writing you when you could have just as easily written me! Fucking bitch. And I told you, the first few weeks of the holidays, I would be busy. But you didn't hear because YOU NEVER LISTEN. Your loss.

Actually, that would be really funny. I'd totally agree to unfriend you just to see Scamander or Creevey waltz around in heels. Let's do this.

LEAVE HIM ALONE, YOU WHORE. I WILL FUCKING CUT YOU IF YOU COME WITHIN 100 MILES OF HIM.

- Eva

[Dominique Weasley]

Whore,

Oh, you poor petal! Passing out dehydrated. Deathbed indeed. I would've brought you flowers. I would've held your hand. Oh, no, hang on, I wouldn't have. MAN UP. Bring fucking water to your next show. Fuck's sake. And Take It Easy? You? Are they aware of who their daughter is?

Um, excuse me. I don't get in contact with other people, other people get in contact with me. So shut the fuck up. And of course I wasn't listening to you, I've more important things to you. You talk crap anyways.

I'll give Lysander my electric blue wedges. He'd work those. And I'll give Creevey my cute stilettos with the little pink bows.

Hahaaaaa, too late! I've already written to him. He's invited me over to his. I'm going to blow his mind, baby!

Dom.

[Eva Faraday]

Cunt,

I'm not even going to explain myself because you don't care. You've said. How am I honestly friends with someone like you?

The boys will look positively smashing. We'll take pictures.

FUCKING WHORE! I'm coming over to your house right now, tying you to a tree naked and letting wild bears have their goddamn fucking way with you!

Eva
You lost the respect of me signing my name.

[Dominique Weasley]

DoubleCunt Whore,

You're lucky to be friends with me. I'm the Queen of Hogwarts, and being friends with me means that you get to share my throne. But like I said, replacing you with Lysander. I think I'll just call him Eva, though, 'cause Lysander's a wee bit of a mouthful.

Ooh yes. And post them around the school.

TOO LATE. We've already shagged. Your brother is gooooood, man! He sends his regards, by the way.

Dom. (:

[Eva Faraday]

Cumguzzler,

Fuck off. You're so fucking lazy. And you're not the Queen of Hogwarts. Well... maybe Queen Slut.

It'll be the funniest!

Please. You did not shag him. You're too lazy to exert the energy to shag someone - even if they're doing all of the work.

[Dominique Weasley]

Melonfucker,

No, sorry, you're the Queen Slut. Which, by the way, is exactly what I told your brother!

I did too shag him. He took me against the wall. And then we shagged on the floor. And then shower sex.

Love from Your-Brother's-Cum-Guzzlerrrrrrr. (:

[Eva Faraday]

Ballsucker,

Yeah, right, Ben's a v

Okay, Dom. I believe you.

Too bad for you, he's really clingy. Now he's going to be up your arse about being together and getting married and KIDS. You weren't just a meaningless fuck to him. You were everything.

[Dominique Weasley]

Monkeyslut,

Great! I love kids. I'll pop out a few and then you can be Aunty Eva. And me and Ben can get marrieeeeeed. I'll tell him that's what you want. Thanks!

[Eva Faraday]

Cumguzzling ballbusting tittymuncher,

I am so using some medieval torture device on you.