hey you [louis]

[Devyn Oberlin]

Dearest Wanker Sitting in Front of Me,

Friendly reminder that if you fail your Potions OWL then we can no longer remain on speaking terms.

xoxo Devyn

P.S. The back of your head is looking strange. You really need a haircut.

[Louis Weasley]

Dearest Crazy Bitch Sitting Behind Me,

Too late.

Love Louis

P.S. Your face is looking strange. It needs a haircut too.

P.P.S. You signed your name. Should I be worried?

[Devyn Oberlin]

You spelled "Dearest Very Charming Young Woman Sitting Behind Me" wrong.

I'm going to kill you.

Don't "Love Louis" me - you FAILED Potions? I just Are you like, okay?

P.S. Excellent comeback, it deserves an award.

P.P.S. You should be worried that I'm considering not being friends with you anymore because YOU FAILED ONE OF THE EASIEST CLASSES IN EXISTENCE.

[Louis Weasley]

There's a charming young woman sitting behind me? How did I not notice her? Introduce me?

I might have been scared the first time you said that. Nearly six years and a million times later... not so much.

Well technically we don't have our results yet, do we, but after some serious thought and a lot of complicated calculations, I've realised that the chance of me passing is 0. I'm living with it. You should too.

Louis

PS - I thought so.

PPS - Who needs Potions anyway?

[Devyn Oberlin]

Ha, you're so funny. I'm dying of laughter. I literally cannot breathe. Picture me saying this all in monotone - that's how much your humor has improved. I'm assuming you want me to reintroduce myself to you, in which case you can just have a lovely greeting of FUCK OFF.

For the first time in the history of anything, you may actually be right - I need to come up with something better to threaten you with. But that doesn't change the fact that I am seriously entertaining the option of killing you at some point in the near future because you failed your Potions OWL and you're not even upset about it.

Stop being sarcastic, it doesn't suit you. We've been over this.

P.S. Since when are you such a huge ray of sunshine?

P.P.S. Apparently not you.

[Louis Weasley]

You don't need to pretend, I know you find me hilarious.

I'm right most of the time really. You could just give up threatening me? Because I'm so used to you doing it, it would probably seriously fuck with my head and leave me constantly wondering what you were planning. Just an idea.

Who says I was being sarcastic?

Louis

PS - I don't understand how your PS relates to mine?

PPS - Glad we've got that cleared up then.

[Devyn Oberlin]

You wish.

Yeah, but now I can't use that idea because it was yours to begin with, not mine. I'd like to keep a certain level of class, which doesn't involve me taking your own ideas and using them on you, thanks.

I just did, and that's because you were. Don't try to out-sarcasm me, you'll lose.

P.S. It doesn't, but it was a genuine question.

P.P.S. Sorted.

[Louis Weasley]

I can tell when you lie.

Okay, whatever. You'll miss out on all the best ideas that way, just saying.

I wasn't being sarcastic.

Louis

PS - I don't understand the question.

[Devyn Oberlin]

I can tell when you bullshit.

I also don't take ideas from people who've failed Potions.

Yes, you were being sarcastic.

P.S. You don't understand anything.

[Louis Weasley]

When you change the subject like that, I know you're lying.

That's because our ideas are too awesome for you. Also, have you done any work in this lesson or are you just writing notes to me? If you are, I'm proud of you for seeing the light and realising it doesn't matter if you fail.

I can't remember what I said that was meant to be sarcastic now...

Louis

PS - Well, I won't bother answering the question then.

[Devyn Oberlin]

I never changed the subject. You just changed the subject by accusing me of changing the subject.

Your ideas are awesome? Since when? Nope, I'm doing loads of work, actually. I plan on getting an O in this OWL, but I'm sure your ambitions aren't as high considering you failed Potions, which was far easier than this lesson.

That's what they all say.

P.S. So you're admitting that you don't understand anything?