Kenzie-Wenzie

[Léon]

Dearest Kenzie-Wenzie,

Would you imagine the shit I hear at seven in the morning about you and Tommy getting it on? IN MY ROOM? WITH MY MICROPHONE? And I quote, "HOW MUCH THE BODY STRETCHES TO ACCOMMODATE OBJECTS THAT DON'T GO IN SOME PLACES"?

What's wrong with the image in this letter, Kenz? The fact that my microphone has been in places I don't want to imagine! Keeeeenziiiiie! You have to buy me a new one now because Tommy's being a bitch and doesn't want to!

But besides that...

Kenz, please marry Tommy! I know he's a pain in the arse, but who else is gonna give me kids to spoil and name after myself and teach singing and become godfather to and all that? It doesn't look like Charlie's gonna have kids sometime this century, so it has to be you and Tommy! Besides, that way, if Tommy and I become blood-brothers, you and Pippa'll be my blood-sisters-in-law and that's basically the same thing as being sisters-in-law!

PLEASE?


Love and love,
Leon

[Kenzie Tremlett]

Eww don't call me that!!

WAIT WHAT? OH MY GOODNESS LEON! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. I am temporarily deaf blind.

Why do I have to buy you one just because Tommy's being a bitch?! Huh? Now if you ask nicely and give a better reason, I will think about it.

NO. Absolutely not. I am not marrying Tommy and you will not tell him to ask me to either. No way even if we will make absolutely beautiful babies. No.

Any other request, my lovely love? Also I am getting a tattoo next week at Euan's. Want to come for moral support? I'd take Pippa (because you know how she is about tattoos) but she has exams.

Love you more
Kenzie - not Wenzie-

[Léon]

Make me, Kenzie-Wenzie darling-enzie!

DON'T TRY TO ACT INNOCENT. TOMMY HAS SPILT THE BEANS AND HAS NEVER FOR ONE SECOND ACTED EMBARRASSED FOR TELLING ME ABOUT IT. I should have been the one deaf and blind, Kenz!

Okay, how about you're way better than Tommy because you'd never spill that you wanted so badly to fuck on my bed AND THIS IMAGE IS VERY SCARRING OKAY and you're just generally more fuck-awesome than Tommy? Don't tell him that though, he'll probably use my brand new microphone - that you're going to buy me - again and I don't want him to, Kenz! Can you please tell him to just buy a microphone for your own personal use and pretend it's mine so he can think he's messing with me but he's actually not?

Maybe I should throw a tantrum. =[ I can't ever seem to be getting things done my way these days! No one wants to buy me a new microphone or give me a kid or two to godfather and teach how to sing and spoil. Would it change your mind a little if I told you what I've been planning to name them? The older boy be Leon, the twin boys after him Leo and Leonardo, and the littlest girl Leona. How about it, Kenz?

Oooh, I'd really love to, but can you please hold it off until Pippa can come? Because she might bite my head off for not dragging her along. I already got a tattoo without her and she was fuck-pissed at me for days afterward and I had to get her the biggest fluff of candy floss I had ever seen in my life (I never even knew they made it that big - it was huge and pulsating a little because it was magical and it kept growing bigger when Pippa was taking bites out of it and I had nightmares it might blow up and land all over my hair! and I can't do that again, Kenz, because it just might and it'd be horrible!) and she made me promise that next time I was going to a tattoo parlour, it would be with her, so. I wouldn't mind getting another tattoo, too, with you, but Pippa'd probably want one as well. Either way, can't go anywhere near a tattoo parlour without her. Sorry, lovely! So please wait for me and Pippa =)


Pretty sure I love you more!
Leon