Emergency Team Ari memo

[ladymoth7]

Hippo

Emergency Team Ari memo. I have great news and catastrophically horrible news.
First. Met a guy. Took him home. Made out with him. Fell asleep holding said guy.
Second. Told said guy I loved him as he was disaparating the next morning.

Help.
Ari

[Hippocrates Smethwyk]

Dear Ari,

That's... Great! ... I think! ... Huh. Well.

Is this guy your age? Were you drunk? Did anything drastic happen, aside from the whole... You telling him you loved him thing?

Speaking of that thing.

You said that you told him that as he was disapparating. Are you sure he even heard it? Have you spoken to him since? When did this even happen? There are so many variables here! I'm not going to bother asking if you really meant it, because from the sound of the situation I don't think you did. Unless you did mean it? I mean no offense, I just know that love doesn't generally appear out of thin air after one night.

Who is this guy, anyway?

Sincerely,
A very confused Hippo

[ladymoth7]

Dear Hippo,

He's a little younger, I was sober, the only drastic thing that happened is that he has a french accent and cheek bones that are like wow.

He kind of tensed up. And he said he was sending an Owl but now he totally hasn't and I know where he is and where he works so I can go over there and be like "Hey that was a joke ha ha" but then I'll feel like a total stalker weirdo and no I'm not in love with him but I love the way it was and that just confused me for a second and I'm a dumb ass.

He's Marcel, the landscape painter.

Sorry,
Ari

[Hippocrates Smethwyk]

Dear Ari,

Well, so far it sounds promising - I'll definitely say it's a step up for you to actually pursue something while sober. So good job on that front. I'm... Glad to hear this boy has... Drastic cheekbones?? Haha.

"Kind of tensing up" can just be preparation to apparate, but it might be safe to say that he heard what you said just before he left. And I think you randomly showing up at his workplace (even if he told you what it was) might reinforce any weirdness he felt when he heard you say that. So that probably wouldn't be the best option. As for him promising to send you an owl but not doing it - how long has it been? It's definitely possible that he's just been busy, or that he's trying to work out what happened. It seems to me like a lot happened very fast, and that can be hard to process once you leave the immediate situation.

I completely understand what you meant by loving what happened but not necessarily being in love with him. And if he asks you about it, explain that to him - if he's not understanding, then I don't think he's someone you should keep seeing. If he doesn't mention it again, be a little wary. Don't bring it up too abruptly, before he has time to sort things out for himself. Above anything else, give him some time and stop worrying so much about it.

~Hippo

[ladymoth7]

Dear Hippo,

Oh and he's totally got this flirtatious bravado but underneath that he's this really shy guy who's super afraid of water (house boat didn't go over on him to well.) And he's got these bangs that kind of flip up and don't really go anywhere. And he's like me, like he's only kissed three guys so far and when I told him about you he was just like "lol." Did I mention how cute he is?

What do you mean by "it might be safe"?! that's like the most ambiguous statement I've ever heard. Ugh, you're ridiculous. Anyway, it's been like, six hours. He said he'd try and owl me on his lunch break. What if he changed his mind. I really want to see this guy again. I want to have the chance to accidentally embarrass myself again. Anyway, who's he to tense up about me saying that. I obviously didn't mean it right? I should think that's obvious too. Right?

OTL,
Ari

[Hippocrates Smethwyk]

Dear Ari,

You managed to get a hydrophobic guy onto a boat, then get him comfortable enough to make out with you? Well done, good sir, well done. He sounds like an interesting sort... I'm glad he laughed about me instead of being creeped out. Like I might've been in his situation. No offense

Oh, and as far as "how cute he is"... I think you've implied it fairly well.

All I meant was that, while it's possible that he didn't hear you, it's best to prepare yourself for the much more likely scenario in which he did. If you only saw him six hours ago, I'd reckon he's still trying to work out exactly what happened. I know it's going to be hard, but give him until tomorrow. If you don't hear anything, then stop by. But try to be subtle about it - even though I know you're not great at that. Just don't do anything crazy.

You never know how someone else is going to take something. All I can say is don't worry about it too much. From what you've told me, you haven't scared him off for good, you've just... Given him a good deal to think about for the time being.

Calm down!

~Hippo

[ladymoth7]

Dear Hippo,

Yeah, I just pretended like he didn't have a choice and that seemed to work out pretty well. Also I'm starting to realize more and more how well I advertised myself using a oreo shake and straw. I didn't mean to, I am totally innocent. His mind wasn't though, gutter brain... Okay so I'm not in love but this is a pretty bad crush. I heard that the worst the crush is the shorter it lasts! I really want to like this guy for as long as possible Hip! I really can't stress this enough, he's really, really hot!

God Hippo you're making my stomach do flips over here. I'm just imagining him sitting behind the counter and weighing all of my good and bad traits. Oh my god I feel sick. What do you mean be subtle? How can I not be crazy? What do I do that's crazy? You can't just tell me not to be crazy. That's like asking someone not to think about a purple hippogriff! God now I've got the yips.

I don't want him to think about anything! I want you to tell me he didn't hear it and even if he did he'd just laugh it off. Stop telling me the truth!

Gah!

[Hippocrates Smethwyk]

Dear Ari,

I think you've made your opinion of him pretty clear

But sorry for turning your organs into acrobats. All I mean is don't go running in there yelling for him at the top of your lungs or anything. Play it off as a bit of an accident, like you just happened to be there - he'll see right through it, but he'll probably go with it and it'll ease the tension.

And now I'm thinking about purple hippogriffs.

And I'm sorry I can't do that... An unfortunate side effect of being a lifelong Hufflepuff You'll be fine!

~Hippo

[ladymoth7]

Dear Hippo,

Okay seriously though, because if you knew how hot he was really you'd be as psyched as I am. And totally jealous. When you see him I want to remind you of your firm rule against hooking up with people under 30, because he's going to challenge it.

How do I play it off as an accident? I know where he works and he knows I know where he works and I know he knows I know where he works.

It's a side effect of being evil. Please tell me I'm not going to be that brutal when I'm an freakishly hot old guy.

Ari.

[Hippocrates Smethwyk]

Dear Ari,

I' just going to take your word for it on that. Don't worry, my rule is secure - and I keep telling you, I'm not looking for anyone. Really. Like, ever again. Besides, even if I was, and even if I didn't have a rule about massive age gaps, I'd never want to take this guy away from you. You're far too excited about him.

And that's why I said he'd see right through it, but if you just... -sigh- Okay, forget it. Just, like I said. Try not to go running in there screaming or on fire, all right? Just stay calm about it.

..... I'm not sure how to take that last bit.

~Hippo

[ladymoth7]

Dear Hippo,

You depress me Hippo. I have now felt the ecstasy of make out sessions and can no longer imagine a time or place when I would ever want to throw in the towel. I should find you a totally hot sixty something. Also, I am just the right level of excited about a young, french accented, artistically inclined, adorable, shy, flirtatious, high cheek boned, tan, not-so-clean-shaven, practically untouched, dinner buying, gutter brained, broad shouldered, polo-shirt-filling, able-to-carry-off-a-jean-jacketing, natural kisser.

But... I... You're not the only hufflepuff here. I find it really difficult not to be totally honest with people. lying hurts. Plus i have my fire retardant shirt all pressed for the occasion

Take it like a boss,
Ari

Ps: I didn't mean that to sound dirty.

[Hippocrates Smethwyk]

Dear Ari,

You forget, young and gay grasshopper, that I experienced the wonderful world of make outs with the same man for over four decades. Even if you were to find me, as you say, a "really hot sixty-something" (which I dare say you have a decent eye for), I have absolutely no desire to replace Brendan. I'm content to live out the rest of my life with friends and nothing more. Maybe one day you'll understand how I feel.

... He sounds exciting, haha.

You know, when I mentioned the running in on fire thing I kind of thought that was an unlikely extreme... Now I can almost see you doing it. ... Don't. Anyway, I'm unfailingly honest. To the point that it gets me in trouble sometimes. But I think it can also be helpful, if you choose to take it that way

Stop worrying,
Hippo

[ladymoth7]

Dear Hippo,

I'm still not sure of the extent of my gayness. I don't think gay people turn straight when they're drunk. Sorry for trying to set you up with gay older men. I think replacing is the wrong word though. I don't think Theo's going to fill the scar left by Laura, he's just... nice. I guess I don't get it.

Very.

I promise I won't. I'm a street artist not a performance artist. Anyway if I was a performance artist I think fire would signify a burning destruction, or a fiery passion, or the protest of a burning monk and I'm not willing to convey either of those ideas. Silly Hippo, not understanding the meaning of fire in modern art.

I can't stop worrying, we've been owling all day and he hasn't sent me even one.

Ari

[Hippocrates Smethwyk]

Dear Ari,

All I can tell you is that you seem to be much more into this boy than you've ever been into any girls, from what you've told me. And then when you're drunk, you're much more likely to do what is easy - which is find a girl, seeing as there's a much higher percentage of them that will actually have sex with you. That's just the way it is.

Maybe replacing isn't the right word, but it's what it would feel like to me. I don't think you're replacing anyone with Theo - you're too young to have that kind of a foundation. I'm sure you'll get what I mean once you're super old like me. But you don't have to apologize - you're just trying to do what seems right in your current view of the world. Needless to say, mine's a little different. The point is, while I totally appreciate your concern, I have absolutely no need of your matchmaking services

Forgive an old man who only sees fire as fire, and really has no artistic inclination.

I know it's hard to do, but the more worked up you get yourself the more likely you are to go in and make a scene, and make things worse for yourself. I'm sorry, but it's true. You just need to breathe, and trust that it will all work out. Because it will, one way or another. And if you don't hear from him tonight, go and see him tomorrow.

~Hippo

[ladymoth7]

Dear Hippo,

Yeah girls suck. No girls aloud. And are you saying I couldn't get a straight man to have sex with me? Because challenge accepted- if Theo doesn't come around. How can you write in italics?

Well okay Hippo, you are ridiculously kind and understanding... but if you ever need some new love in your life I'll make all of mine and maybe-Theo's adorable adopted chinese baby girls call you grandad.

Fine, but good luck trying to get me to sleep... god I've never been this worked up over an engagement. Normally I forget shit stuff like this.

Ari