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Post by Brigid Finnigan on Apr 11, 2012 3:03:09 GMT -5
DEAR WANKER.
Did you steal all my sugar again? I actually don't give a fuck if you guys suck at grocery shopping, it is not okay to keep taking my sugar. I HAD TO MAKE PANCAKES WITH CHOCOLATE SAUCE FROM THE BOYS' APARTMENT AS AN INGREDIENT INSTEAD OF A CONDIMENT.
Also (because they're probably reading this over your shoulder) HEY LÉON AND CHARLIE. TEACH MY BROTHER TO SHOP, PLEASE.
BRIGID.
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Post by Tommy Finnigan on Apr 11, 2012 3:07:38 GMT -5
Dear lovely sister,
Of course I didn't. Why are you accusing me of stealing your sugar? I'm sweet enough without the aid of something like that. Brig, I really do not like the idea of guys giving you chocolate sauce. You don't know where that's been, okay.
Leon's (I'm not doing that flicky thing because I can never remember what sodding direction it goes in) out getting milk and Charlie's handcuffed to the bed because she tried to attack me, goodness knows why. And shop for me if you've got such a bloody problem with it!
Lots of hugs and kisses,
Tommy
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Post by Brigid Finnigan on Apr 11, 2012 3:26:28 GMT -5
Dear masturbating brother,
One, it fits your MO. Two, it's SUGAR. I can't think of who else would want three kg of sugar and would go to my apartment to get it and survive without being attacked by Vodka - you're the only person that Vodka likes enough to let live that doesn't live on the same floor as me, and the boys swear it wasn't them. please tell me you didn't use the sugar on a groupie's body okay groupies are disgusting I trust the boys not to give me a STI via chocolate sauce, don't worry. David wouldn't let me come to harm from his chocolate sauce.
Léon (I alternate between them so I'm 50 % right) left you alone with Charlie? And I thought he was smart. You really shouldn't handcuff her, she's liable to hexing your bollocks off, you know. What, and spend my own money on it? Fuck off.
Brigid x
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Post by Tommy Finnigan on Apr 11, 2012 3:32:43 GMT -5
Dear darling sister,
Did you honestly address me as 'masturbating brother' as an insult? Silly, Brigid. I always forget your cat's name is Vodka, haha. Why are you and the boys obsessed with naming your cats alcoholic beverages and food? It's a bit weird. What about the other boys? I bet they get more visitors than Disneyland in that apartment of theirs and who's to say one of their groupies won't give you an STI via chocolate sauce? It's plausible.
Yes, he did. He desperately wanted more milk and he was bitching about me never buying any when he left - so I sincerely doubt he cares for his gorgeous drummer's safety any more. She is liable to hex me, yes, but not my bollocks because everybody in a five mile radius knows she wants me and with me, comes my bollocks... no, of course not spend your money on it! What a ludicrous idea! It's not like you get a lot of money from being a professional Quidditch player anyways.
- Tommy
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Post by Brigid Finnigan on Apr 11, 2012 3:47:32 GMT -5
Dear cockblocking brother,
No, I thought we were thinking of truthful adjectives. My mistake. Vodka is offended. It is not weird, it is a sign of how fantastic we are as well as our alcoholic preferences. For the love of cats, Tommy, I don't want to think about any disgusting groupie giving them STIs. This is why groupies should be illegal. And I'll ask David if he used chocolate sauce as a lubricant or something that would mean I could get STIs from it.
Exactly, you suck at shopping. I wonder how you'd fare if they kicked you out of the flat for a week. I don't know, Charlie's pretty imaginative, I'm sure she could do a lot to you without your bollocks. Murder would be amongst the options, I suppose. I really feel like Mum should go shopping for groceries with you, she'd be able to make you buy milk.
- Brigid
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Post by Tommy Finnigan on Apr 11, 2012 4:04:18 GMT -5
WHEN HAVE I EVER COCKBLOCKED YOU? YOU'RE MAKING THIS SHIT UP.
You're completely forgiven. It is incredibly weird. You guys are basically alcoholics of the cat variety. That does not make sense, whatever Well, then don't borrow their STI-infested chocolate sauce and I won't suggest stuff about groupies... and groupies are fantastic, especially the slutty ones. Is good ol' Dave~o slipping that other bloke one then? The one with the stupid name.
I 'd go back to living at mum's. At least she loves me. That, or Kenzie would take me in and we'd have sex all around her and what's-her-face's flat. I would be honoured to have mum shop with me as long as she turns a blind eye in the condom section and ignores the fact that over a quarter of our expenses are spent on Muggle contraception devices.
- Tommy
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Post by Brigid Finnigan on Apr 11, 2012 4:21:25 GMT -5
FIFTH YEAR SPECIFICALLY, EVERY SINGLE TIME ANY BLOKE GOT NEAR ME AFTER SIX PM, AS WELL AS GENERAL COCK-BLOCKING PEOPLE THAT AREN'T ME.
I wouldn't be whole without this forgiveness. That does not make sense, and, besides, I'm not an alcoholic. Vodka may be though The chocolate sauce was a last resort, I needed something sweet for the pancakes and no, groupies are not fantastic. They're disgusting and I hope that one day you get a STI from one so that I can hex the girl green and Mum can't even tell me off for being rude. The slutty ones are so loose that you could fuck them with your foot and do the hokey pokey with your foot in their vagina. What, Rupert? I don't know - I'll ask, just for you. I'll tell them that you need help getting off at night and require this sordid information.
Have fun sharing a room with Patrick. Moira was putting all her fabrics in your room last time I visited. Oh, for the love of cats, I don't want to hear about you shagging Kenzie Tremlett around her flat - and you mean Honor, you wanker. The girl has a name, even if you're never going to get in her pants. To be honest, I think she ought to be proud of you that you actually use condoms. You sound over a quarter of your expenses on muggle contraceptive devices and you can't even buy milk and sugar?
- Brigid
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Post by Tommy Finnigan on Apr 11, 2012 20:17:32 GMT -5
FIFTEEN IS TOO YOUNG TO LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY, OKAY? And cock-blocking other people was just funny, haha.
I know you wouldn't. You should apologise to your big brother more often. You are so an alcoholic, you named your cat 'Vodka' which is a stupid name for a cat. Groupies are brilliant and I wouldn't get an STI from one because I always use condoms and you can tell by the looks of a girl whether they have an STI. The slutty ones are generally fantastic - I don't care if you can do the hokey pokey with your foot in their vagina... and that is highly inappropriate and cringe-worthy that you just said that. Yeah, that one! And thank you, you do that. That's all I've ever wanted - for my sister to ask the neighbour next door whether Dave~o and Rupert are shagging.
Yeah, I'll just kick him out onto the lounge. He wouldn't give and shit. Why? Kenzie Tremlett is a superb shag. And whatever. Of course I use condoms, I'd never hear the end of it if I got some poor bugger pregnant. And basically, yeah. Though to be fair, we only shop once a week and we go through milk and sugar the most.
- Tommy
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Post by Brigid Finnigan on Apr 11, 2012 22:43:48 GMT -5
I COULD HAVE FIGURED THAT OUT MYSELF, THANKS. AND DO YOU REALLY WANT TO GET INTO AGES OF VIRGINITIES LOST? Yeah, probably not for them. cock-blocking is always fun
It's okay, I can survive not being whole. I wouldn't want to waste your time with apologies. At least I can be trusted with a cat, and Vodka is a fantastic name for a cat. You're just jealous that you haven't got a little thing to name after vices - and no, you can't ask Mum to have another kid so you can name it "Shag" or something like that. Condoms break and you can't tell from a look of a chick if she has a STI or not! That's it, I'm going to tell Léon to get you a STI-test booking next time I see him. The slutty ones probably all have chlamydia and you should care - imagine if one of your sisters was a groupie! How despicable would you find the bloke that shagged your sister? Inappropriate and cringe-worthy? Now you know how I feel when I hear people say all the things they'd like you to do to them… the girls at your concerts are positively nauseating. I'm glad I can help you with your heart's greatest desire. I'm such a fantastic sibling.
Oh, that's nice. Just kick the twelve year old out of his room, good job. Why was she putting them in your room? Because your room is empty and she needs to put the excess somewhere, probably. Oh, great, thank you for that information. Would you like a running commentary on the shag skills of the blokes we know? I'll put her name down on my list of recommendations for the boys, shall I? No, you'd never hear the end of it if you got a girl you didn't care about pregnant. There's a difference. Wow, maybe you should shop twice a week then?
- Brigid
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