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Post by Libby Jordan on Mar 8, 2012 15:09:57 GMT -5
Your father tells me that you've been missing my letters greatly so I decided to sit down and write you one. It'll be rather boring though since all I've done this month is your father. Anyways. How are you, love? Have you been up to much? Meet any new boys or have some fun with any old ones? Remember, sweetheart, always use protection because if you get knocked up then I'm not taking care of the baby. I've already raised two and that was enough for me! Take care now! Love, Mum ((OOC: Argh, so terrible, sorry! Hopefully will get better! Hope you don't mind Libby sent Ricky an owl!  ) |
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Post by Erica Jordan on Mar 8, 2012 15:58:45 GMT -5
Wow, mum, tell it like it is. Weird though, Dad seems to think he's been spending his time rushed off his feet by customers in the cafe. Were you having sex at the same time? Isn't that illegal or something?
Usual stuff, usual stuff. Boys? Nah, I'm sick of boys. It's girls all the way now. Kidding. But I hope you're taking your own advice on the protection. Hey, we could get pregnant at the same time - how cool would that be?! My baby's auntie or uncle would be the same age as it. Seriously though, Mum, I haven't even had sex yet, so you're jumping the gun a bit. Go and tell Roxie, she's doing it all over the school.
Don't tell Dad I haven't had sex though. It's too much fun winding him up.
Love you!
Ricky xxx
PS - I just realised - I turn seventeen in just over a month. Scary shit!
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Post by Libby Jordan on Mar 9, 2012 0:36:58 GMT -5
Well, I always raised my girls to be truthful so what kind of role model would I be if I didn't? Yes, Erica, we were having sex at the same time we were working. That's what old people do these days, darling. Have sex in public places.
Having sex with girls isn't too bad Yes, being pregnant at the same time is an experience I've always wanted to share with my daughter. That way, we can swap maternity clothes and contraception stories. Haha.
Roxie's shagging all over the school?! Merlin, I've got to send that girl a letter now! I'm surprised Angelina hasn't caught onto this fact yet! I'll be the 'cool Aunt' and be subtle about it. Do you think send her condoms is subtle enough?
Terrible, terribly daughter. You're going to give that man a heart attack someday!
Love always,
Mum
P.S. Scary shit, indeed! What do you want for your birthday?
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Post by Erica Jordan on Mar 14, 2012 5:54:50 GMT -5
Didn't realise you were running that sort of cafe, Mum. Ah well, when you get busted by the Ministry after someone reports you for putting them off their food, I might come and visit you in Azkaban. Might being the key word there.
Awesome, let's do it! Pregnancy pact ftw. Contraception stories? Do people really have those? They sound incredibly boring. Who wants to talk about contraception?
Please send Roxanne condoms. And make sure the owl will arrive with the others at the breakfast table, just so I can see her face when she opens them. I'm thinking about getting her a whole load of 'sex toys for couples' for her seventeenth.
I'm about to write to Dad now. Don't you dare say anything.
Love, Ricky
PS - A car?
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Post by Libby Jordan on Mar 14, 2012 6:07:27 GMT -5
Darling, please. There's nothing off-putting about my cafe. If anything, seeing us go at it will make the people just want something else on their menu! And I'm holding you to that. When you end up in Azkaban for some horrid crime, I might visit you.
Oh, yes! Sounds fun! Oh, shit damn. I meant conception stories. Contraception stories would be insanely boring... but anyway, conception. Those are interesting. Let me think... you were conceived on a pool table and I think your sister may have been conceived on the kitchen bench. Want to share any places where your conception may happen, sweetheart?
I'm not sending Roxie condoms while she's at the breakfast table. Corrupting little first years, what kind of mother do you think I am?
Cannot wait to see your father open his letter.
Love,
Mum
P.S. In your dreams.
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Post by Erica Jordan on Mar 14, 2012 6:22:18 GMT -5
Something else on their menu, yeah. Like a memory charm.
Learn to spell, Mum. Weird though, Dad says that Fefe was concieved on a swing. I really don't know why you both think I want to know these things. These different stories of yours are starting to get suspicious though. Are you sure it was Dad?Anyway, those are all lame places. My child is getting concieved on Professor O'Malley's desk.
Come on, the first years would just think they were balloons or something.
Has he got it yet?
Love, Ricky
PS - a house?
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Post by Libby Jordan on Mar 18, 2012 18:48:59 GMT -5
Good call, darling.
Oh, was she? I'm sorry, sweetheart, I sometimes lose track of all the places your father and I have shagged. Would you prefer not knowing and sitting somewhere we have shagged? Except you do that all the time. We've shagged everywhere in that goddamn house It was definitely your father and they are not lame places. I'm sure your Headmistress will appreciate that.
Are you forgetting there's six other year groups there?
I think you should be expecting a reply soon!
Love,
Mum
P.S. I can always set you up a tent in the backyard.
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Post by Erica Jordan on Mar 27, 2012 15:07:16 GMT -5
Dear Mum,
To be completely honest, I don't really care where you've had gross old-person sex. It just gets a bit boring to hear about. I'm sure she'll appreciate it too. We'll be sure to leave her a note to let her know.
You specifically said First Years, okay. Anyway, if they're old enough to know what they are, they're not innocent enough to be corrupted by them. (Roxie would be proud of my Ravenclaw logic, hellyeah!)
I think Dad might hate me a bit now... Did you see his reaction? Was it funny?
Love, Ricky xxx
PS - You can get me a tent if you want! That would be awesome actually. One of those cool ones with a shagpad bedroom and a jacuzzi in it...
PPS - Less than three weeks to go!
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