The Self-Entitled Piece of Bullshit

[Lucy Weasley]

THIS. IS. NOT. WRITTEN. BY. CHOICE.

Some bastard at my father's office thought I had anger issues when I went to go talk to him (for once) and recommended the idea of a "diary" to my dad so now I have to write about my feelings - I know, a Slytherin with feelings? Who would have thought!

Ugh. This month has been pretty shitty actually. I got into tons of fights, broke someone's nose, broke someone's heart, broke someone's wand (take that, Grey!) and then learnt that my best friend is suffering from bulimia.

I hate everyone. Especially Harry Dursley because I feel like crap because of him. He insults me, makes me run away to the Forbidden Forest so my Quidditch Captain can find me, then Alice fucking Longbottom tells me that he fancies me! So, then I'm an idiot and run into him at the owlery where I tell him that I know he fancies me and that he can kiss me to get over me!

I SAID HE COULD KISS ME! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

But when he did, it was kind of nice (even though Lorcan Scamander was supposed to be my first kiss!) and then he asked whether there was any chance he'd end up with me and I said no because I didn't want to tag him along. It was terrible.

Then I went to the fucking dorms after that, found Ella drinking and pressured her to tell me what's wrong and then she actually did and it was terrible! I really don't want to go into it because then I'm probably cry and I really don't want to do that because I'm not a weakling.

I'm going to say goodbye now, so bye, I guess. I'm not really sure how to end this? Wait, no.

Yours (in)sincerely,
Lucy Weasley

P.S. I suppose an upside of this month is that Ella and I dyed each others hair - now I'm a bluenette. I know, I'm incredibly witty.

[Lucy Weasley]

Dear whatever-the-fuck-I'm-meant-to-call-you,

Everything is going down the fucking toilet and I have to just sit back and watch it happen.

Lorcan decided to ask someone out on a date. Some bitch called Danni Ovaries or some shit like that, and she said YES. How dare she? That's not allowed in the Book of Lucy! God, this is worse than the time Dianna Grey attacked me with birds!

To make the matter even worse, when he told me, I completely freaked out and ended up shouting at him and the oblivious idiot didn't know why until I told him I loved him.

I TOLD HIM THAT I LOVED HIM! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

I made a complete idiot of myself. I was standing there, crying, and it turns out that he thinks of me like family. Salazar, he looked completely horrified, so I ran away because even though I'm apparently the most 'important girl in his life,' I'm not important enough for him to fancy. FUCK MY LIFE!

Then I ran into Lysander (who is hereby renamed The BFG = The Big Fucking Giant) and obviously he knows that I fancy Lorcan because he's Lysander and he annoyingly knows everything. It turns out he hates this chick as well and he reckons Lorcan will come around which I'm not even sure is possible because... *insert drum roll*

I ran into the chick and she's the complete opposite of me! She's blonde and disgustingly pretty and a Gryffindor. I hate her on principle. I mean, REALLY, Lorcan? That's the girl you fancy? She's horrible. Ew.

Which leads me on to my next point, she and everybody else in the world (a.k.a. Harry fucking Dursley, what an annoying prick!) seems to think that's I can be nice and that me being a bitch is an act. Well, guess what? It isn't. This is me, like it or not. I'm not a nice person, I don't want to be a nice person, and I never will be.

Yours 'sincerely',
Lucy Weasley

[Lucy Weasley]

Dear venting-device-that-never-writes-back,

YOU AND EVERYBODY ELSE IN THE UNIVERSE SUCK. GOD. YOU WONDER WHY I HAVE ANGER ISSUES. IT'S A BLOODY WONDER THAT ANYBODY WOULDN'T!

Harry Dursley, as usual, is a prick. He owled Ella and sent her a copy of Peter Pan. WTF? I know she looks startingly alike to Tinkerbell, but why is he sending my best friend a present? God, I'm about to cut a bitch.

Also, dyke? Oh, very original, Dursley. At least I don't look like one unlike you with that really stupid haircut of yours. You thought I was copying you by going blonde? What a load of bullshit. Oh, and my mother is blonde, not a redhead, moron. That's why I have different coloured hair to the rest of the Weasley family.

Roxanne is dating Scorpius Malfoy. I'm not sure if this should make me happy or not. I think I'll choose to be happy for once because otherwise this diary entry will be really depressing. Ha.

Danni Ovaries Oberlin tried to kill herself. Fucking fantastic. It probably has something to do with me. Wow, it just occured to me that I'm a bit of a self-centred bitch. People try to kill themselves because they're not as awesome of me. Blah, blah, blah.

To make matters worse, I still haven't sorted this shit out with Lorcan. Fantastic. I'm really making progress this month. Yay for Angry Weasley!

Salazar, fuck him, fuck everyone, fuck my life.

I'm not writing a bullshit thing to say goodbye, so don't hold your breath.

- Lucy

[Lucy Weasley]

Dear I-Can't-Be-Arsed-To-Think-Of-A-New-Nickname,

There's even more rumours about Ella now? Oh, shit is going down, bitches.

- Lucy

[Lucy Weasley]

I'm done with everything. I'm done with the library and I'm done with Lorcan fucking Scamander. He can go... go fuck himself because I'm through with him.

I've waited for months on end waiting for him to decide what he wants to happen between us and now... now he only wants to be 'friends' because anything more will 'cheapen' that.

Well, screw him because I'm sick of everything to do with him. I could have forced myself to move on by now instead of been stuck clinging to the thought that he was going to fancy me back.

He can go obsess about his cat now. I don't give a shit. I just want this whole shitty year to be over.

[Lucy Weasley]

I'm writing this on the train to fill in time. Not because I like you or anything. So, here's the deal: I'm dating Dursley.

I mean, Harry. I'm dating Harry and I'm not really sure how to feel about that. Good, I suppose, but we're going to keep it on the lowdown for now. I feel kind of guilty - maybe I'm using him to get over Lorcan? I don't know. But he's alright.

We kissed again. A few times, actually. He said a lot of good things about me, too. Things people don't usually tell me. It made me feel... special. Really special, actually. Want a direct quote? Well, here it is: 'Shawdy, eyes like a tropical ocean, flirty lips, quick wit, best hair in the whole school, killer Quidditch player.'

He's got one thing right. I do have fucking awesome hair.

[Lucy Weasley]

I can't wait for Quidditch to start this year. I just want to throw things at people without getting in trouble. Plus, everybody knows this is our year so they ought to be scared and shaking on their bloody broomsticks.

So far, this year kind of sucks. I mean, Roxie told me to stop comparing myself to other girls but Merlin, it's kind of impossible to when everyone in Hogwarts is, uhm, motherfucking gorgeous! Bastards.

I've been avoiding Shags-A-Lot Nott because apparently he has an STI. I don't want to get infected so... yeah, if he even comes near me, that knee is getting kicked out. Same goes for anybody who ever dated him. Actually, I'm going to make a list of who's to stay away from me.

Stay The Hell Away From Me:
Shags-A-Lot Nott
Ovaries 1
McLaggin' (Bongs-on? Not clever enough?)
Alice Longbottom
Jamesie
Dianna Grey
Christian Laurent

I'm tempted to put Ella on my "stay the hell away from me" list because she's actually related to him but since I'm a magnificent best friend, I won't.

[Lucy Weasley]

I fucked up. Again. I guess to get the gist of what happened, I kind of need to explain. I don't want to but... I need to. Apparently it helps with my non-existent anger problems.

As you know, I've been fighting with Lorcan all summer. Well, not fighting so much as avoiding and we finally confronted each other. Our kiss in the library didn't mean anything, he never liked me, he just didn't know how to say it, blah blah blah. We're not friends any more. I've severed our friendship because he's led me on since that kiss in the library and I don't think I could watch him with another girl like Ovaries. Blonde, perfect, etc.

So since then I've been yelling at everybody because they're all morons and I got into it with Caryn - another blonde, perfect girl in my dorm - and the fucking bitch slapped me. So I walked away like the responsible young adult I am and went down to the Hog's Head to get a drink. Apparently, I look no older than eleven years old. Fucking hell. So Abby's walked in and started flirting and stole a bottle of firewhiskey.

Then we were outside in the alley drinking and bitching and yelling and then she was telling me about expectations and I kissed her. I kissed her. What the fuck is wrong with me? I think it was the alcohol because we kept on snogging for a while and it doesn't make sense at all because I don't fancy girls. Dianna Grey was wrong because I like guys and muscles and all of that shit. Then I broke off and ran away.

It's going to be awkward next time I see her because, yeah, it was the alcohol and everything but still, that kiss was fucking amazing embarrassing because... what if she reckons I fancy girls now?

[Lucy Weasley]

I think I like her. Abby. But the thing is, I can't. Because then everything Dianna Grey has said about me will be true and it's just... it's not. She's wrong and I know I say, "Fuck this, I don't care what you think" so much but I do. Doesn't everybody on some extent?

But I can't, I just can't let her win because otherwise all my fighting against her was for nothing. Breaking her nose with my book was all for nothing... and I can't let that be. I can't date a girl either. Not that Abby would go out with me in the first place, right? I can't be the 'gay' Weasley. Because even if I do fancy guys, and I go out with a girl, then I'm the Gay Weasley not the Angry Weasley.

Oh, I also made another huge mistake this month. Big surprise there, huh? Ella got pissed at me because I'd been keeping secrets from her and we had this huge fucking fight in the library. It was pretty fucking shit because we're not friends any more. I guess we weren't when this year began anyway. No big loss, right? I'll get over it.

Oh, yeah, I was also arsed to go to the ball this year. I danced with Dursley for most of the night. How exciting, right? I also talked to Marko - before the ball, that is - and I ended up crying on him. He knows about Abby and I as well. Fuck. I almost asked him to kiss me. Not because I like him or anything but because he was there and he was being nice and people aren't allowed to be nice to me when I'm upset.