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Post by Erica Jordan on Mar 7, 2012 18:03:08 GMT -5
Dad,
Why haven't you written to me? Or Mum? You both suck. For all you know, I could have blown Gryffindor Tower up or been attacked by a bowtruckle and be lying at Death's Door in the hospital wing, but do you care? No.
I heard you on the radio this morning. You sounded stoned. Were you?
I saw FooFoo the other day, she was buzzing around with a bunch of other 1st Years. Apparently, she got three detentions last week. Chip off the old block, yeah?
How are you and Mum? Needing walking sticks yet?
Love,
Ricky xxx
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Post by Lee Jordan on Mar 7, 2012 18:24:01 GMT -5
Erica,
I've been rather busy lately, won't lie. Cafe has been over run with visitors, not to mention your mum has kept me off my feet quite a bit. She's also mentioned a few times that she enjoys watching me work the muggle way, which is obviously your mother's way of saying she appreciates starring at my arse as I clean; your mum is always tactful. She also enjoys keeping me off my feet, but that's a story for another day.
We knew you weren't dead or any of the above. Madame James has been kind enough to keep us in the loop about your hospital visits. Stop exaggerating.
I don't think I was stoned, but George and I did spend some time inhaling shop fumes before the show, so who knows, he may have slipped some spiff in there.
That's my girl. Has she made any friends yet? And only three. Have Fred show her a few things, Ricky.
No, not walking sticks, maybe back braces. . . I've worn her down a few times this week. She's insatiable, y'know?
Love,
Dad
PS: Write more than once a year and I'll try the same.
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Post by Erica Jordan on Mar 7, 2012 18:45:18 GMT -5
TMI Dad, TMI.
Although I could tell you about the pretty awesome time I had with this one guy in the owlery, if you want? Those poor birds are probably pretty scarred, I'm not going to lie.
You have Madame James spy on me? That's devious. But I haven't even been in the hospital wing this term - I'm in perfect health, and therefore can obviously stop being careful, whatever they say at St Mungo's.
Like you never exaggerate.
You and George spend your spare time in his shop, getting high off the fumes? You sad, pathetic human beings. Did nobody ever tell you that sniffing solvents stops being cool when you're about thirteen? Actually, I lie, it's never cool.
Well, I assume that the kids with her were her friends. I never see her by herself. But EXCUSE ME? FRED? Am I suddenly not good enough to teach my little sister myself? Fred cries himself to sleep every night because I kick his ass so hard. That's how much better than him I am.
Oh, so I get it from Mum. That's good to know.
Love Ricky xxx
PS - Loser
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Post by Lee Jordan on Mar 10, 2012 12:57:46 GMT -5
Ricky,
You'll live.
I can tell you about the time that your mum and I used a swing - which led to Fefe. Then we'll have swapped stories. Oh, there was this one time at The fifth horsemen's concert - mud all down my back.
Yes, and I'll let Madame James know that.
Accidental inhaling - know that. George and I are pretty awesome anyways. So shove it.
Good, she's sociable and likeable- something you should work on.
And Fred has you beat by a mile still. Shame, shame, shame. Im disappointed.
Love, Dad
Ps: I won with your mom last night.
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Post by Erica Jordan on Mar 14, 2012 5:58:12 GMT -5
Dad,
I have something really important to tell you. You're going to kill me, but you have to know some time, so I'm just going to get it out of the way.
I'm pregnant. I'm sorry. Looks like you're going to be a grandfather sooner than you thought...
Ricky xxx
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Post by Lee Jordan on Mar 21, 2012 21:17:55 GMT -5
I think you should write your mother.
-Dad
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Post by Erica Jordan on Mar 27, 2012 14:59:57 GMT -5
Dear Dad,
I have written to her. All I have to say now is: Never try and tell me that Fred is better at this stuff than me. Also: Never try and win a freak-out competition with me. I win all the awards. And don't try and tell me you didn't believe me anyway - you quite obviously did. Just bow down and admit my superiority. How could I be pregnant when I'm only shagging Dominique? Last time I looked, she didn't have the correct sperm-making equipment.
I'm not even sorry, because it was funny.
Love, Ricky xxx
PS - Where did the love go? Would you not love me any more if I got pregnant?
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