Abby and Lucy's "Confrontation"

[Lucy Weasley]

Whatever Lucy thought Abby was going to say, this was a thousand times worse and she almost found herself blocking it out until... Louis kissed me, and I kiss him back. She closed her eyes, breathing deep for a moment or two just to open them to find Abby not even facing her. "You... you... what the hell, Abby? What the hell? If you wanted to kiss boys so much then you shouldn't have let me even fancy you in the first place! And a couple of weeks ago? Seriously, what the fuck?"

She stood up, slightly unsteadily and grabbed Abby's hand, turning her around whether she liked it or not. Abby was probably stronger than her, sure, but if she was going to tell her something like that than she sure as fuck wasn't going to be a coward about it. She stared at her for a long moment before she shook her head, "I thought you were different. I thought that maybe, just maybe, my best friend wouldn't be the one to break my heart... but I guess I was wrong, huh? Because you did. You decided to kiss my cousin... not just any boy, but my cousin."

She shook her head, feeling tears prick in the back of her own eyes and she looked at Abby with an expression of disgust. "Get out. Get out and leave me alone, okay? Because that's what I'm always going to be. Alone. You've shown me that - that people are always going to like somebody instead of me. Including my cousins. So go fuck Louis or what-fucking-ever but just fuck off because I don't want to see you right now."

[Abby Longbottom]

It seemed like eternity, as she waited for Lucy to respond to her words. Would she overreact? Was Abby overreacting by assuming Lucy would break up with her? She felt her thoughts swirl around her head with a dizzying speed until the silence was broken by the hurt, angry words and the arm whirling her around. "No!" she said, turning around and shaking her head frantically. She moved forward to put her arm on Lucy's shoulder but caught herself. "No, I don't want to kiss boys, I want to be with you! It was a mistake, please, believe me. And I - I -" she fumbled, unsure how to explain, "I didn't know how to tell you, that's why it took so long, but Lucy come on, please."

Before she even realized what was happening, she felt the prickling behind her eyes, the tell tale sign that she was going to start crying any second. But she didn't want to cry in front of Lucy, because even if she'd broken her own heart in the process, she had no right to be hurting for something that was her own fault. "I'm sorry, I really am," she whispered, her eyes closing to not let her tears show. "I didn't decide to kiss him, I really didn't. It just happened. I wouldn't do that to you, if I was thinking. I wasn't thinking!"

It was the sheer look of disgust on Lucy's face that had her staggering back, and she felt her heart break in two. "Is this it then? Do you not want to see me? Are you breaking up with me?" she asked, a tear sliding down her cheek, as she furiously wiped it away. "I don't even like Louis that way, please stop saying that. He's just my friend. Or was, anyway. If you want me to not see him, I won't, just please believe me when I say that it was a one time mistake."

[Lucy Weasley]

As Abby took a step towards her, Lucy took one back and she looked at Abby hopelessly, tears shining in her eyes as she shook her head. "A mistake? No, Abby, a mistake would have been... I don't know... something forgiveable, maybe? This is completely - you didn't know how to tell me? How about using your fucking words? It's not that hard." Her voice turned more cynical as she bit out, "How about trying, 'Lucy, before you get knocked out, you should know that I kissed your cousin and I'm sorry'? I think that would have been pretty fucking easy, don't you?"

She knew that Abby was about to start crying from the way the other girl's eyes were tearing up but she didn't care. She didn't give a fuck because she was Lucy Weasley and when did she give a shit about anything in her life? Oh, that was right, never. And after antagonising over what to do about her feelings for Abby for months... "No, Abby, you decided to kiss him. Just like you decided to kiss me. Just like you decided to kiss everybody else you've ever kissed in your life!"

She wiped away the tears that were starting to fall from her eyes with the back of her hand. "Would you want to see me if I decided - oh, wait, sorry, if I just happened to kiss somebody else, Abby?" She walked back and sat on the edge of her bed, shaking her head as she wrapped her arms around herself. "Stop saying what, Abby? That you want to fuck my cousin? It's true though, isn't it? You told me like a minute ago that you wouldn't have stopped if it weren't for Oberlin walking it!"

She let out a derisive snort. "Oh, yeah. Of course he's just your friend. You would totally believe me if I snogged Marko, waited a couple of weeks and then told you all about how I didn't want it to stop... and fuck off, okay? 'One time mistake'? What a load of shit. Everybody says that and then they go do it again. I am not that dumb, okay?"

[Abby Longbottom]

Seeing Lucy's tears, made Abby feel much worse than she already was, which was a considerable feat. The moment Lucy told her that what she'd done was unforgivable, she felt her hopes crash down. For one second, just one second she'd assumed that maybe, things wouldn't be so hard. Maybe, they could move on from this and be happy and actually have a chance. How could she be so stupid to ruin the best thing that happened to her? Her heart was breaking, and she wasn't sure what to do. "I'm sorry, I just felt so guilty about it the moment it happened that I couldn't find it in me to tell you right away. I know that was selfish, just -" her words failed her.

She shook her head, biting her lips as her fingers curled into her school skirt, clutching at anything she could. There was so much she wanted to say, so much that had to be said but she couldn't find the words to do it. Because this was all her fault, after all. Not Lucy's, not clueless Louis', but hers. She'd known what was happening and she'd let it and had even liked it. She felt like a sick person. Is this what a breaking heart felt like?, she thought, the throbbing inside her chest, more pronounced.

"I don't want to fuck him," she said, her mouth twisting around the word, which had never been a problem when she'd used it against others. "I didn't mean it like that. I don't - it was a momentary thing," she said, lamely in her opinion. Her mouth and open and closed before she knelt down in front of Lucy and looked at her, tempted to wipe away her tears, hold her hand, anything to let her know that she hadn't lost her forever.

"Just tell me this isn't over," she begged, her voice cracking. "I know you're angry, very very angry, and that I'll have to work for a long, long time to earn your trust again. I don't care if you don't want to see me right now, I'll leave, but please tell me this isn't over. This isn't the end, just tell me that," she said, a sob escaping her lips.

[Lucy Weasley]

"Yeah, well, if you felt so guilty then you should have told me, okay? You should have told me sooner, not after I landed in the goddamn fucking Hospital Wing for being a 'dyke' because I loved being with you," Lucy told her, looking up at Abby and wiping at the tears that were coming even faster with the back of her sleeve. "Or you could have told me before you started kissing me today. You could have told me anywhere between there and now and you chose not to, okay? You chose not to. That was your decision."

"No, you just want to snog him... you want to snog my cousin instead of me and you know how... how worthless I felt before even getting involved with you. How do you think it feels, knowing that you'd rather my cousin than me? It's like me saying I would rather Alice or Grace instead of you. You'd feel pretty fucking shit about it, wouldn't you?" she told her, sounding less angry and more defeated now as Abby knelt in front of her. She fancied her, she fancied her so much, but... but she didn't know what to do... she'd struggled so hard to even accept the fact that she wanted her and now she was going to throw it away just like that?

"I can't... I can't..." she started, voice breaking herself as she buried her face in her hands, refusing to even look at Abby. "I don't know what to say. I can't say... if I take you back then where does the respect I have for myself go?" She didn't want to break up with Abby but she had to, didn't she? If she took her back then she was just pathetic, wasn't she? "I need to think about it... I need to..."

[Abby Longbottom]

Abby wasn't sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing, that Lucy felt so undecided, that she had no idea what to do. All the words she threw at her, were piercing Abby through and through and for the first time, she realized how bad Lucy must be feeling. Not that she hadn't realized before, but the fact that her best friend presumed that Abby picked her cousin over her. She felt like a horrible girlfriend and a horrible best friend and a horrible human being.

"You're not - I would never pick him over you, Lucy. You're my best friend, and he's a guy I got close to but he isn't going to trump what we both have had for the past four years, and no way is he going to trump what we have now," she said in a voice that sound more pained and helpless than reassuring. She nodded slowly, using the edge of the bed to stand up and pick up her bag.

"Tell me when you're ready to talk to me again," she whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and took a step back. "I'm so sorry, Luce," she said, before turning around and running out of the Hospital Wing faster than she'd run in. It was only when she reached the steps at the end of the hall did she allow herself to fall onto them, her hands running through her hair as she sobbed her heart out.

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oh no, my heart creys </3. Btw Gracey might finally be getting a letter from her kid sister. Is that okay?