Post by Scorpius Malfoy on Dec 22, 2010 14:00:18 GMT -5
[atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 460px; background-image: url(http://i44.tinypic.com/34fb0ns.jpg);-moz-border-radius: 0px 0px 0px 0px; -webkit-border-radius: 0px 0px 0px 0px; border: 4px ridge #7a9aa9, bTable][tr][cs=2] scorpius hyperion malfoy. seventeen. slytherin. william moseley. | |
[rs=2] | I am personally of the opinion that some healer waved a wand over my mother and i magically materialised in a blanket, because to be quite honest, the idea of my mother doing anything as undignified as giving birth is completely ridiculous. They called me Scorpius Hyperion, which probably tells you as much as you need or want to know about my parents, although you'll find quite a lot more, about my father anyway, if you open a History of the Second Wizarding War. I don't think I really need to go into that - everyone knows about the Malfoys anyway, and to be honest, when you spend your entire childhood having it drilled into you that there are certain things you don't talk about, it doesn't come easily. There were a hell of a lot of things we didn't talk about in our house - in fact, silence was pretty normal. Anyway. Back to my story. I was the first child of Draco and Astoria Malfoy, first grandchild of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, and as such, heir to the Malfoy fortune (which wasn't quite as big as it had been before the war), so no pressure or anything. (That was sarcasm, in case you didn't realise.) I don't think my father (or my grandfather, but that's a different story) ever really saw me as anything but The Heir - he expected me to be this perfect pureblood heir, and actually, as i grew up, i was pretty good at that, and so Dad was pleased, and that was it. He never bothered to get to know me as a person, to find out what I was actually like. He's my dad, but he doesn't know me, and I don't know him. The only members of my family who are really like family are my brother and sister. Damien came along almost exactly a year after me, and Ella about eighteen months after that, so I don't have any clear memories of life before they were around. I vaguely remember Ella being born. I can remember being pleased it was a girl, I'm not sure why - most boys would rather have a brother than a sister, though maybe Damien was such a nightmare I just knew I didn't want another one of those. My mum was pleased she was a girl too, I think - Ella was always her favourite, and my grandmother liked Damien, and my grandfather disliked us all, so Dad was the only one who really bothered with me, and that was only really to make sure I was a credit to him. And now I feel like I'm just one of those people who constantly whines about how their parents didn't love them enough - and maybe they didn't, but I was actually happy enough as a kid. I just spent a lot of time trying to make myself into the kid my dad wanted me to be, and I almost managed it. I had plenty of other kids around though, because we grew up in the pureblood circles, so we were always having parties and gatherings with loads of other families there. I knew most of them quite well, though we saw my cousins more, obviously. Most of the time when I was younger, I remember it being me, Chloe, Seb, Dao and Ella most of the time, and we were all pretty close. Letty Anglesey was there quite a lot too - her and Chloe were good friends. I mean, we all fought a lot - at least, I wound all the others up and then watched them fight - but we had each other's backs, and I think we still would, if we had to. When I wasn't messing around with the others, I was flying or reading (I used to browse my way through my grandfather's library - I learnt a lot from those books, not all stuff a kid should have known). I always needed time alone every now and again - if I was angry or upset, I didn't want to talk about it, I'd go off my myself to deal with it. That's how I learnt to hide it from people - the less you show, the less people know about you, and the less they can get at you. Like I say, I learnt pretty well how to act the part of the perfect pureblood heir, even though I think I knew deep down that at some point, I wasn't going to be able to live up to what they wanted of me. Back then, though, that only kept me trying harder, so I didn't disappoint them. I wonder what my dad would say if he knew how much I looked up to him as a kid - how much I wanted to be like him, and to have him approve of me. He'd probably die of shock. Anyway, I modelled myself on him, and by the time I went to Hogwarts, I'd become a cynical, sarcastic, cold little bastard who never let on that he had any feelings, let along what they were. I was sorted into Slytherin, big surprise. So was Seb. Chloe went into Gryffindor. No real surprises there, at least not for me. The biggest surprise that day was Albus Potter being sorted into Slytherin. The whole 'not talking about things' thing kind of backfired on my dad there - he'd never said anything about not making friends with the Potter kids, so I made friends with Al, and never even realised how much it was going to piss my family off until it was too late. I learnt quite a lot in my first few years at Hogwarts. I learnt a lot more about my family's history for one thing, but at that stage, I convinced myself it wasn't as bad as it seemed. Yes, okay, they'd supported Voldemort, but that wasn't necessarily bad in itself. They'd made bad choices, but not necessarily for bad reasons. I was proud of being a pureblood - I still am. Nothing against muggleborns, but I'm not going to be ashamed of what I am. I don't think the Dark Arts are necessarily as bad as people make out either. Things like that are only ever as bad as the people who use them - they've got their uses, so long as they're not abused. As for the rest, it was about power, and that doesn't have to be a bad thing. If I was offered power over all the people I didn't like, would I take it? Yes, of course. And most of the people who would say 'no' to that question are liars. And yes, of course I know my history - I know that Lord Voldemort was a evil man who abused the Dark Arts in the worst ways, but back then I was a little kid finding excuses for my family, and I convinced myself that it didn't start out that way, that their intentions hadn't been that bad. I also started to learn about girls towards the end of second year. I didn't have crushes, or if I did I ignored them, because feelings make you vulnerable and I was determined not to be vulnerable. But I noticed the pretty ones, and I got my first kiss in third year (I wasn't quite the little slag that Seb was, though; he lost his virginity at the end of third year, which he seems quite proud of - I completely refuse to be embarrassed that he got there first though, because thirteen is a horrible age to have sex, and I bet it was absolutely shit). I also learnt, very early on, that the rest of Al's family were completely and terrifyingly insane, and left chaos wherever they went. I didn't like chaos, so I avoided them; my father didn't have to tell me to have nothing to do with the Weasleys, I swore it to myself of my own accord. Ironic how things turn out, really. Al and I both got onto the Quidditch team in second year, him as Seeker and me as Chaser. We both knew by then that we wanted to play professionally - it was one of the things we had in common, though we should have realised that we'd eventually end up in competition with each other. Al was more upfront about it than me though - I wouldn't admit that that was what I wanted, because I was convinced it would never happen and I didn't want to look like an idiot for hoping for something impossible. I didn't think I was good enough, and I thought my father would stop me. I still don't think it'll happen to be honest, and I've still never really told anyone - except a very few people - that that's what I want to do. I kind of feel like the more I say it, the less likely it is to come true. I'll keep it as a crazy dream, and then I won't be disappointed. The next few years weren't that exciting. Damien and Ella both joined me at Hogwarts, and in Slytherin. Both made friends with Weasleys, despite my best efforts. I snogged a lot of girls, and eventually moved on from snogging to shagging, though I never had a proper girlfriend. I didn't want one. Feelings made you weak, and they didn't last anyway. I'd seen that with my parents - I saw things a bit more clearly as I grew up, and I was pretty sure they didn't love each other any more, if they ever had. Maybe they loved us - it was hard to tell most of the time. Either way, love was overrated and I didn't want it. I discovered alcohol, in a pretty big way, and got into parties and having a good time. Ever since I was young though, I'd had the tendency to swing between good moods and really, really bad ones - the way I used to go off by myself when I was down or angry - but from about fourth year, the bad ones started lasting longer. When I'm in a bad mood, I don't want to talk to anyone. I just start thinking about all the shit stuff, and sometimes I think those are the times when I'm most honest with myself - when I can admit that things are screwed up, and my family's a mess, and I'm a bastard, and things are never really going to change. There are only a very few people who can pull me out again when I get thinking like that. I used to go off and fly myself out of it; when that stopped working, I started drinking myself out of it, because when you're drunk, you can't think. I got to the point that I needed a drink before I could sleep at night, even when I wasn't in a bad mood. I still drink a lot, but not as much - I don't have one every night any more, and I can usually still sleep without one. It took me a while to realise I was probably having a bit too much though. For quite a long time, I just drank every day, because at least that way I could fall asleep without starting to think. Fifth year was when it all happened. You know what? I don't even really want to talk about fifth year. It was the worst year of my life, and the best year, and that's not even being overdramatic. Everything I'd tried so hard to hold together fell apart, I realised I could never be the person my father wanted me to be, and I didn't want to be either, because my dad, who I'd looked up to all my life, was a selfish coward, and I also realised that none of the adults in my family care about their kids at all, except as continuations of the Malfoy name. Ella got diagnosed with an eating disorder and carted off to to a clinic somewhere, and Damien basically went off on his own path and decided he couldn't be bothered with any of us any more, little twat (and yes, I know he was just having trouble dealing, but you know what? So was I). Oh, and I also went and fell head first for Roxanne Weasley, which is why it was also the best year of my life. Yeah, a Weasley. I know, ironic. You can finish laughing now, and we'll move on. We're nearly up to date now. I got Quidditch Captain in sixth year, which didn't please Al; Roxie and I have been together since about Easter of fifth year; Ella came back from the clinic; and I decided I couldn't take living at the Manor any more, and moved out when I turned seventeen. I wasn't running away - I was completely upfront about it, and I'm living with Teddy now. Oh, and Dao and I kind of patched things up, though he's still a little twat. Things are looking better now though, and I don't get the really bad moods as often. I know that the last few years have changed things - I suppose I've just grown up a bit. |
becca. 24. two years experience. gmt. |
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